disillusion...

hmmmm.....aku dh disillusion....sudah blur dan xde tujuan hidup...aku macam salary man yg menunggu mase kene heart attack dan mati kering....huhhhh

how shitty can things be????

because of one stupid complaint letter sent to the ministry...everything gone haywire...there are people who start to appoint themselves to be morale inspectors and there are people who stupid enough to make a difference between kindness and responsibility.

About the lectures affected. I confess, they are an amazing lecture. They did that part amazingly...but as people who took care of our welfare...do they play their part in that? do they bother to know? do they actually listen to us and make a difference? all we heard is "I don't know. Why don't you ask this person, why don't you ask that person" we've been kicked here and there like a ball....and no solution has been made. If they so much pay attention to what is wrong with us at the first place...they wouldn't put the blank face in front of the KPM when they were asked what is going on with us. They are clueless because they don't know. They dump the responsibility to the admin knowing fully well that the admin itself is unreliable....and though they know what is wrong, they never took our side to begin with coz admin has more power than the students. It's not worth to fight for the students' right, so they just stick to what they do best which is teaching the students. But when something goes wrong, they started to look for people to blame. If they so much paid any interest in our case at the first place.Do you think that all these will happen to them.

And if they claim that we never reach out to them. They better shut their mouth. coz they know fully well what is going on. When we asked for their hand...they passed it to other people. The door is forever shut. Don't tell me that the student didn't try.They tried and all they got was disappointment. And when they got fed up and did something extreme...Now the lecturers start making noises and claim that they are the innocent victim.

It is fair for the students' life to be screwed coz they got a long life to live, they must know that the world doesn't revolve around them and sometimes they don't get what they want? but when it comes to the lecturer who taught us, we took pity in them, we feel remorse and start thinking that we are ungrateful bastard and bitches that made their life difficult. I wonder, if they really care about us, I'm sure they got nothing to be angry of when the KPM probe them with questions. They should be proud of their student for their guts to take some action which are few people can do instead of being outrage and looking for someone to blame.I don't know...should i feel guilty because these person are kind person or should i console myself and make me feel better that whatever happen to them is because they don't do the work properly. In UM, though the lecturer are more self absorbent and stick to themselves, but Dr Juliana as the coordinator at the time, did her work wonderfully. Though UM is bigger than IPIK. Our welfare is being taken care of. We got no worries and no complaint made. That's the different between people who actually do their job and didn't do their job.

And as for my cohort itself. What more I could say. I saw this pattern again and again that it made me feel nausea. Kiss asser is most prominent one, yang suke kumpul jawatan tapi xbuat kerje, yang buat kerja sikit tapi bising je lebih, yang baik dgn semua lecture tp buat kerja mcm bangang and claim they are too busy doing the works (ape die buat pun aku xtau), and budak yg mulut bising kat belakang bagai nak rak...kat depan...tunduk,kaki menggigil2...senyap seribu bahasa...and ade yg xamik kisah langsung coz they are to busy with themselves. Aku pun mebi antara golongan ni agaknye. Whatever. Tapi one thing I know about myself, if I knew something is wrong...i will against it. Kalau aku bley betray kawan sendri bile die buat salah...xmustahil aku bley betray pihak lain kalau diorg buat salah walaupun diorg baik dgn aku.

baik dgn tanggungjawab adalah perkara berbeza. Dulu bile aku dpt tau kawan aku nk songlap duit yg dikumpul untuk dinner...aku terus reject proposal die. Imagine, bile aku sendri call restoran tu...seorng cume kena byr rm40, but mangkuk tuh tekan sampai rm60. Kalau aku layankan die dan ikut idea die just becoz die baik dgn aku....do you think it is fair for the rest of the cohort? and aku bukan jenis yg bagitau satu dunia ape yg aku buat. aku buat dulu, the rest klu org dapat tau...itu terpulang pada diorg. N kalau mamat tuh bengang dgn aku psl hal tu and nak fitnah aku bukan2...sampai kate aku songlap duit biro ekonomi...go ahead...sekali pun aku xserang die.sekalipun aku xckp ape2 coz aku masih igt die kwn aku...and aku tau, bile org dah kantoi and takut org lain tau salah die...die akan divert the attention and cakap dielah victim.aku yg aniaya dia,akulah yg jahat. I remember each and everyone yg buat tuduhan tu pada aku. i will forgive but i won't forget. Aku xkate aku betul...but i didn't go to other people n spread nonsense or fitnah about my own friend which some of us memang suka buat. Aku xpaham mentaliti yg suka melaga-lagakan org, menghebahkan keburukan org kat org lain...n bile kena btg hidung sendiri.Mengamuk xtentu pasal. Gile hina...xkisah la kawan xkawan...hina tetap hina.

And aku xsuke mentaliti pengecut dan bacul. Belakang cakap berdegar2..tapi dpn pengecut....and bile ade problem saling tuding menuding jari kat member sendiri. Gilee aku benci org macam nih....tension tension

I need a break..but i don't know where to start..

I'm freaking desperate with my life right now...i really need a human touch...but it just a freaking crazy thing to hug just any person within my reach...my mom called me crying...about the same old stuff...how my sister treat her with disrespect in front of other people...but she keep coming back to my sis...like some kind of a magnet...after all my sis is still her daughter....

raised and brought up by lack of physical contact with my parents...i'm clueless on how to react in this situation...I'm not a physical person...I even hurt people with barely my tongue as a weapon...n I miss my Boyfriend more than anything...but all i did was lashing him with my words until his heart bleed and his mind disoriented...but the truth is I just want to touch him more than anything in this world...it's been 3 months since i saw his face...n everyday i'm getting more disturbed with things around me. My paranoia, my lack of optimism, my double-faced attitude...is kicking my ass until I could not sit in comfort....My life is a total mess...but I'm too tired to fix it....

Can I Survive With RM2207 per Month?

I used to feel rich when i studied...I received RM700 per month from my scholarship. The money are more than enough to survive the month....i could buy anything I wanted. But when I work, and my salary at the moment is three times equal my scholarship...i still have a problem on how much i could spend...overall...these are the list of things that I 'must pay' per month
1. RM300 for the car loan...i still use the same car my father bought me during my first year in university...and since i has started working..so i have to continue paying the loan myself.
2.RM250 for my house rent per month.
3.RM200 for ASB loan.
4.RM300 for my stupid Maxis Bill.
5.RM100 for my bills (electricity,astro,water supply)
6.RM50 for my duit kutu.
7.RM120 for my fuel usage.
8.RM 500 for my parents...
and the balance is what i have to survive in a month...
plus i have to put aside some money for car maintainance, road tax, insurance....this is freaking crazy man...money is not enough....

maxis sucks

Maxis adalah satu sebab kepokaian aku setiap bulan...dem...berape kali aku cakap dekat operator maxis yg bangang tuh...that everytime aku punye bil reach rm200 terus bar...but dalam bil yg aku dpt tiap2 bulan mesti xpernah exact rm200...the previous month aku punyer bil cecah rm300...what a stupid idiot...aku pun xtau lah...so i decide i had enough all their bullshit and makan duit...aku nak terminate je postpaid Maxis yang macam bangang...
Maxis is shitty because...besides makan duit buta bulan2...coverage die macam bangang.....imagine aku yg tinggal dekat Batu Pahat n KL boleh ade coverage disturbance....bile aku bising...operator bodoh tu...boleh kate satelit Maxis ade problem...xbley buat ape2...coz tu technical punya problem...kan bodo punye jawapan....dah la teleservice tuh kena charge...pastu boleh bg jawapan bodoh macam tuh.....abistu Celcom dengan Digi tuh gune satelit ape??? Bukan satelit yang sama ke?
Kata Maxis perkhidmatan telecommunikasi terunggul...Ananda Krishna tuh...setiap tahun masuk top ten billionair terkaya Malaysia...tapi masalah satelit xbley fix....this is the biggest scam of all....aku gune both broadband Celcom dgn Maxis...n the result is....broadband Maxis...is shit ass...aku bayar RM138 per month just utk dapat connection edge...even dekat tempat hotspot...pastu boleh suke ati mak bapak die je nak disconnect bile die suke....baik aku gune broadband celcom yg rm50 je tiap bulan and aku masih boleh surf sampai tahap hspa (tahap connection tertinggi dalam kategori broadband) dekat area batu pahat neh......Maxis sangat rubbish....
As a conclusion...Maxis is a type of telecommunication scammer that rob us blind in daylight...plus...sesuka hati jual nombor kite kat scammer2 lain....sejak aku guna maxis...dah berjuta2 sms scam yg aku dpt...gambar sensasi la...video terkini la...on cinta la...on kelakar la....stupid Maxis...

virginity....

Tak berapa lama dulu,ade seorg kwn aku..miss A..dlm keadaan agak miserable...story kat aku yg dia kena belasah dgn bf dia...the reason coz bf dia find out dia dh xvirgin ag...aku pun nk pengsan mase dgr...but i keep it cool...benda dh jadi...klu aku marah miss A pun...tak guna dah...dan aku lg rase nak lempang jantan tuh lebih dari nak lempang Miss A sebab jantan tuh pukul pompuan.dasar jantan dayus...

Aku pun malas nak tanye banyak2 how her bf found out psl dia dh x dara...but i do think bf die pun 2x5 kot...xkn dia guna ahli nujum kot find out psl mende tuh....

Bercakap pasal virginity nih bukan boleh main lepas mulut je...coz aku neh pun pompuan...sekarang alhamdulillah aku masih mampu jaga perbuatan aku...but esok lusa...i don't know...mintak tuhan jaga aku dari semua tu...

since aku bukanlah orang yang layak berceramah menggunakan hadis dan firman...so aku akan stick to the logical thinking...yup..rite...chenta itu buta...but akal tu xbuta...at least we as a girl mesti tau ape yg kita nak...not ape yg bf kita nak...life kena ada expectation...coz it's not black n white...ari nih bf ko sayang ko...esok die bley campak ko mcm tuh je...selagi xdak ikatan yg mengesahkan dia memang 100% hak ko...dun take the risk...haloo....laki org pun bley curang kt bini die...apetah lg yg xkawin....the world is their playground and the girls are their bunnies...

bab give up virginity nih...aku ase memang terjadi kat pompuan semua golongan kot...xde label2 dah skang neh...yg pakai tudung pun bersepah2 xde dara...yg pakai tudung labuh pun begitu juga...so xbley cakap budak xpakai tudung or pakai seksi2 neh jahat...coz kita bukan tuhan nk judge org tuh jahat ke baik ke...

bagi aku ada 3 golongan pompuan yg dh xvirgin neh...golongan pertama ialah golongan yang xpernah ada bf...n kurang bergaul dgn budak laki mase pembesaran mereka...spend so much time alone and most of the time only having a real conversation with guys in the chatroom, so bila ada org show affection...diorg sgt naive smpi xbley differentiate passion with lust...especially if the guys spoilt them with love and barang mahal2....terhutang budi then tergadai body...biasenye pemangse mereka adalah lelaki yg dh kerja..normally laki org la...tp ade gak yg bujang...muka dari tahap sederhana ke hodoh...jarang laki ensem buat macam neh..sebab they can get better..xpayah nk beli brg mahal2 or blanje makan in order nak nampak baik n gain the girl's trust...n they dun hv to waste time chatting...they can just go the nearby club,grab mane2 awek hot,singgah convenience shop beli condom,buat projek..tido and esok pagi babai....

ade course mate aku kt U dulu,terjebak dgn mende neh...luckily after all the commotion (xyahla aku nk explain kat sini,tp 4 phase [caressing,copulating,conceiving n aborting] tuh dah abis redah kot) that guy jadikan gak dia 2nd wife...so moral of the story...baik bukak mata luas2...banyakkan pergaulan dgn budak laki so later bley differentiate laki tuh cap ape....xpe klu banyak pakwe pun...asal tau jaga diri...dari ade sorg pakwe...tp terbarai2....lagi jahanam macam tuh...

Golongan kedua pulak,adalah golongan kurang kasih sayang dan perhatian...dalam kes kawan aku yang Miss A ni,dia jatuh dalam kategori kedua. she lost both of her parents,xde tempat nk mengadu,xde org nak tegur n bimbing dia...or marah dia kalau buat silap...though she has many friends..it doesn't help...dh mmg nature kot kawan xmembantu dalam menguatkan prinsip dan keyakinan diri...friends can never replace parents...so be grateful ok...betape annoying pun parents korg membebel...you still have them...mane ko pegi...ade yg kt rumah tu yang risaukan kau....some of us are not dat lucky...due to that she try to find love, to reach out to someone to dote to....due to lack of self esteem...dia jadi seorang yang menurut..xde prinsip diri n diperkotak katikkan oleh lelaki....n being at the wrong place at the wrong time...whut more can u expect....after kena belasah...she still stay...sebab sayang...dem...when u hv no money,no parents,no job,no life,no prospect...nothing to look forward to...you akan jd bodo juga..coz at the moment u xbley buat ape2 pun...n hv to rely on other person even though he's a real jerk..with hope dat by giving up her virginity for him...by doing all the unreasonable stuff he told her can make him love her more....i really feel her for that...luckily sekarang dia dah move on n bangun balik and sudah ditch dat bastard....good for her...hope she will find a good man out there...

golongan yang ketiga neh...memang bohsia dah..jenis yg dah xkesah langsung dah pasal virginity2 neh...dh xbley cakap ape dah...bohsia xsemestinya bengap n xsekolah...yg sekolah tinggi pun bohsia juga...cuma cara lain2...yg bohsia low class neh...biasenye yg sudah sangap...xpandang rupa.xpandang harta..sape2 pun boleh...asal dapat...yg high class lak..normally klu dia mmg anak org kaya or elitis...diorg xkisah pasal harta...janji jantan tuh HOT....tp mana yg xkaya but still nak ber soSIAL tuh...kena la tgk yg poket tebal...muka xbley pandang dah..janji duit masyuk....

bagi aku..xsemua perempuan yg dah hilang virginity tuh jahat..or jalang....xdinafikan pompuan2 yg terlanjur tuh asalnya memang baik..but somewhere along the line...kena goda terus cair...tp ade gak yang memang carik pasal sendri...depends la...sebab klu lelaki xgatal...benda tuh xkan jadi...unfair la klu kita panggil perempuan yg xde dara tuh slut...sebab laki yg buat dia hilang dara tuh lagi teruk kot....sangat2 dayus..dah buat salah xnak tanggungjawab...sewius aku pandang hina laki mcm tuh...n then lagi nak buat aku tembak diorg dengan pistol...mase kawin,pandai pulak cari yg elok...nak yg anak dara...bertudung litup bagai...tolongla cermin muka sikit...nak zuriat elok konon..klu benih dia dh tak elok...spray la kt container kelas A pun....tetap xelok....hidup la ko dgn menghancurkan hidup org lain...jawabla dgn tuhan nanti...

Memang betul,cinta akan menjadikan kita kurang bijak....baru kenal sehari dah macam kenal setahun...aku pun kadang2 bila dgn bf...tipula xrase ape...aku bukan lesbian kot...tp alhamdulillah...buat mase nih...bf aku agak rasional lagi...coz dia pk..klu ape2 jd...klu terlajak...dia nak bagi aku mkn ape nnt....hm...aku xtau la tip nih berguna ke x kan...tp cubela praktikkan kalau boleh....lelaki dgn nafsu seks memang xboleh dipisahkan...but korang bley tahu laki tuh...betul2 sayang kt korang ke x dari cara diorg bagi explanation kt korang bile diorg nak buat projek...klu lelaki tuh dgn confident cakap yg dia akan kawin dgn ko,akan jaga ko elok2...n cakap kat ko jgn risau...yg dia akan bertanggungjawab....u better be alert ok....coz he's fake...aku sure punye...time die kate mende2 nih...die tengah sebok meraba dan meramas mana2 bahagian dgn tangan dia..or tgh imagine scene yg bukan2..ewwwww....the real man xkan cakap camtuh ok....lelaki yang baik xkan buat promise dlm keadaan horny....dun trust men when they are horny....never ever....lelaki yg sayang kat ko...dia akan doubt his own action..even die tengah horny time tu..dia biasenye akan stop n they wake up n feel nervous....coz die tau klu dia blew up...responsibility tuh sgt besar.....if the man loves you...ko seduce die bagai nak rak pun....walaupun die mmg mahu sgt2...dia xsanggup nk buat....so klu dpt bf mcm neh...pls stick to him ok...coz he's a gem...dun giv bullshit excuses yang that type of man dun exist...they exist..u just hv to open ur eyes n search 4 them...trial n error babe...i'm lucky coz that man is my bf...hopefully tuhan takdirkan jodoh aku dgn dia...n kekal sampai mati....

As a girl, jgn sesekali kita takut kita tak laku or xde sape nk kat kita....virginity neh satu2 harta yg perempuan xkira miskin or kaya ada.Virginity itu adalah pendinding kita.and macam mana aku jaga kehormatan aku.macam tu juga aku expect significant other aku tuh jage kehormatan dia...coz relationship is sacred...trust itu important element...so sebelum ko decide nk going further with someone...biase2kan diri tanya soalan maut..seperti...awak teruna lagi ke? awak gay ke x? kenapa awak nak kawan dgn saya...setakat nak berkenalan or nak buat bini?..lantakla ape pandangan laki tuh kat ko pas ko tanye soalan2 cam2....klu die nak benci ko ape ke? coz klu dia rase piss off...he doesn't deserve u....org yg ikhlas dan tidak ada apa2 yg hendak disembunyikan akan jawab dgn tenang dan rileks...die xkan menggelupur cepat....or terdiam tibe2....make sure ko tanye soalan tuh secara tiba2...so die xde masa nak mengarang jawapan kat ko...

Most of the girls yg aku kenal yg suda xvirgin...cabaran utama mereka adalah menahan diri daripada melakukan perbuatan terkutuk tuh...coz it's commonly known dat sex is the most pleasurable thing on earth....so klu nk refrain dari buat benda tuh sangat2 susah....coz ko dah pernah rasa...that's why ada girl yg dah xkisah pun dgn sape die buat asalkan dia dapat lepaskan .that's why for girls yg masih virgin n peringatan kat aku juga...keep ur virginity intact..so at least ko bley jaga diri ko dari jatuh ke tangan jantan2 yang macam haram....selagi ko virgin...klu ko horny pun ko masih bley jaga diri and berfikir dgn rasional....least chances ko nk terjebak dlm benda2 tak elok...so the rule is don't start....and do it with someone who truly loves you....not with just anybody...u are expensive unless u make urself cheap.....

lagu lame...lyn je...