I know I demand too much for what i think is too little from my own perspective. What does commitment means? I have no clue and i have no idea. Is abandoning a girl friend for the sake of study really makes a guy become successful. Is woman a form of distraction from getting to what you want to achieve. Why does woman always being a better multitasker compare to man.
If a man says to a woman, why don't you wait and do whatever you want while I'm busting my ass off studying for our future. I'll call you when it's over. I will always find you when I want to find you. So what am I? a doll to play with when you have the time. You pamper and spoilt me when you have the time of your life and when things turns the other way around...all I get is silence and the same old phrase "you don't understand" again and again. Is that what commitment really means? What is the meaning of sugarcoating me with the word future when the present itself left me plenty of room for doubts. If I am better off alone,if i can do all the things myself, if I'm so good at handling myself without getting any help from you, What is the meaning of being together. What is the significant of you in my life.
I am a skeptic person.I tried to change my view on things.To look at things from the brighter side. but the fact that my first REAL love died in a car crash, the second one wanted to become a rock star so bad that he flunk his A-level third time in a row,the fact that i turn a cold shoulder towards my own boyfriend because i have a crush on a jerk whom I don't bother to have any relationship with, to waste my time with just-out-of-school boy who is not really my type and dumping him for his avid availability and quick to call 24 hours a day to check on me, to spend three years of relationship knowing fully well it will go nowhere and avoiding confronting with it till the last minute it's over and currently having a relationship with a boy who hasn't finished his study and uses the word "I don't know" as his mantra. I don't think being a little miss sunshine suited me.
I completely lost my faith in the my-brain-is -where-my-*****-is creature. and if this time, with my current boyfriend, if things still doesn't work. I've HAD it. I'm done. I'm tired and i believe I'm cursed. I'm not the type who flirt, I'm not the type who play sweet little dolly in front of a boy. It is really important for me to find a guy who can see me for my self. But why are those guys who able to do just that will end up wrecking my nerves every second they have. Why can't I be with someone normal? All i need is a guy who can cook, who can do the chores, who can fix things, who can make me listen and obey. Why does this man extinct? Why does the man with charisma and understand girl the most ended up being a homosexual freak.
a friend told me, each of us has our destined companion. And if that person ended up alone at the old age or becoming the second or the third wife. It means, their partner is already dead. What if it is really true? That my first love who is dead was suppose to be my predestined companion.Does that mean, the probability of me having a true love is short lived or simply stumped by his death. Am I gonna end up old and wrinkled alone by myself. Then again I curse man for being reckless with their life. The reason there are so many unmarried woman nowadays is not the fact that these woman now has a career but their supposed predestined partner died earlier because of lung cancer or accident.
Well, as far as myself is concern. I'm really done this time. If things doesn't work. I don't want to try anymore. Every time I look at man one of these days, I feel really annoyed and wish for their extinction. World would be a better place without them.certainly....
