x
- PRK UM & kepala babi....
hebat sungguh ahli2 politik Um nih...siap dpt souvenir kepale babi ag.....ahli politik kat kuala terengganu pun xdpt.....apela poyo sangat budak2 UM yg fanatik pilihanraya sampai buat bende bengong nih....bodo ade,bangang pun ade....aku ase beruk lagi mulie dari diorg sebab beruk pun xpandai nak letak kepala babi kt tempat ibadat yang suci lagi murni...xkire la ape bangsa budak lahanat nih...yang pastinye...die memang xberlajar sivik dulu...ataupun...tuhan dah butekan hati die tuh....ucapan aku....buatla kerje camnih selalu....ko memang ske kan tengok Malaysia nih kacau bilau....bergaduh sesame kaum...klu ase nak bergaduh sgt....bley x tolong join venture dgn org yang ske wat keje2 camnih....bley x pindah ke Israel ke,diorg memang ske bab gado2....nih...mentaliti mane la budak2 nih kaut.....hingus pun tak kering ag,tengok dunie luar pun x lagi,dah buat bende2 yg xmunasabah....klu aku dapat sudah aku cloroxkan kepale budak2 sialan nih....patutla rangking UM makin menjunam seiring kejatuhan pasaran saham di US....pointer ala2 cukup makan...tapi bab berpolitik die nombor satu....udahle tuh....klu setakat menghasilkan pemimpin pelajar ala2 Syaiful Bukhori tuh....xpayahla dik oi....aku tau yg UM nih bley dikatakan tempat kelahiran tokoh2 politik Malaysia yg prominent macam Anwar and Pak Lah....tapi hampeh2 diorg....xpernah letak kepale babi kat surau....
- aku speechless...aku tension
tadi aku temankan mak aku melawat makcik aku yang baru melahirkan anak perempuan. Makcik aku nih isteri baru pakcik aku, isteri pakcik aku dah meninggal mase aku darjah enam.So anak-anak pak cik aku nih basically dah besar panjang.Yang tua sekali umur dia dah 30 tahun.
So kiranya pakcik aku nih dah ada bercucu. nak dijadikan cerita anak sepupu nih ade la dalam 3 org. Diorang nih jarang namoak muke aku agaknye, duduk la menggendeng tepi aku.aku pun layan je la diorang tu cakap ape. lagipun aku malas nak join perbualan orang2 tua yang ada kat situ.
Tibe2 si abang yang sulung nih tanye aku "kak, akak sekolah tingkatan berape?". berdesing telinga aku kejap.aku pun jawab la "akak dah tak sekolah dah". Budak tu jawab"kesiannye akak, keluarga akak miskin ke sampai tak mampu sekolahkan akak?". aku terpaku sekejap sambil terase ingin mempelangkung kepala seseorang. tapi dengan tenangnye aku menjawab "akak dah abis sekolah la. Akak ni same baya dengan mak tam kamu tu?" (mak tam diorg merangkap sepupu aku tu sama umur dgn aku.)tiba2 adik diorang kecik nih bley jerit cakap kuat2 kakak tipulah, mak tam tu dah besar. dah kerja pun. ibu kata kakak ni belajar lagi. lagipun kakak ni pendek dari mak tam.muka pun macam budak sekolah.. akak tipu.akak ni mesti tgh sekolah lagi." aku tengok mak aku dok sengih2 kambing. sepupu2 aku pun control2 senyum. Aku serius nak cekik diorang. kalau adik aku dah lama kene luku dengan aku...tensen tensen....salahkah aku dilahirkan pendek....
So kiranya pakcik aku nih dah ada bercucu. nak dijadikan cerita anak sepupu nih ade la dalam 3 org. Diorang nih jarang namoak muke aku agaknye, duduk la menggendeng tepi aku.aku pun layan je la diorang tu cakap ape. lagipun aku malas nak join perbualan orang2 tua yang ada kat situ.
Tibe2 si abang yang sulung nih tanye aku "kak, akak sekolah tingkatan berape?". berdesing telinga aku kejap.aku pun jawab la "akak dah tak sekolah dah". Budak tu jawab"kesiannye akak, keluarga akak miskin ke sampai tak mampu sekolahkan akak?". aku terpaku sekejap sambil terase ingin mempelangkung kepala seseorang. tapi dengan tenangnye aku menjawab "akak dah abis sekolah la. Akak ni same baya dengan mak tam kamu tu?" (mak tam diorg merangkap sepupu aku tu sama umur dgn aku.)tiba2 adik diorang kecik nih bley jerit cakap kuat2 kakak tipulah, mak tam tu dah besar. dah kerja pun. ibu kata kakak ni belajar lagi. lagipun kakak ni pendek dari mak tam.muka pun macam budak sekolah.. akak tipu.akak ni mesti tgh sekolah lagi." aku tengok mak aku dok sengih2 kambing. sepupu2 aku pun control2 senyum. Aku serius nak cekik diorang. kalau adik aku dah lama kene luku dengan aku...tensen tensen....salahkah aku dilahirkan pendek....
- PPSMI- Bahasa tidak menguburkan bahasa lain tetapi ia berevolusi.
Nabi Muhammad pernah bersabda "Tuntutlah ilmu sampai negeri China"...itu menunjukkan betapa pentingnya mencari ilmu...dalam mencari ilmu bahasa bukanlah satu perkara yang perlu diperdebatkan...sudah tentu sekali para ilmuan zaman rasullullah dulu perlu belajar bahasa cina untuk menambah ilmu di dada mereka jika mereka ingin belajar sampai ke negarai China...
Ilmu sains dan Matematik bukanlah ilmu turun temurun orang melayu, Ilmu sains dan matematik berkembang dan berevolusi dari zaman ke zaman...dari tamadun ke tamadun...dan transisi ilmu itu bukanlah semudah yang di jangka...para ilmuwan zaman dahulu..terpaksa berhijrah dan bermusafir dari satu tempat ke satu tempat untuk mengutip ilmu...pengumpulan ilmu itu pula perlu dilakukan dengan menggunakan medium bahasa tempat asal ilmu tersebut. Proses terjemahan pula adalah amat rumit kerana terdapat perbezaan dari segi contextual sesuatu perkataan dan ayat yang digunakan. proses ini bukan memakan masa sehari dua, tetapi bertahun-tahun...
Matapelajaran Sains yang di ajar disekolah ini adalah kombinasi ilmu-ilmu sains dari tamadun greek, tamadun China,Tamadun Arab, Tamadun India dan terakhir sekali buat masa ini ialah Tamadun Inggeris...Walaupun Sains tamadun Inggeris yang paling dominan buat masa ini...tetapi masih terdapat sesetengah perkataan latin yang terpaksa digunapakai bagi menggantikan perkataan-perkataan yang tidak terdapat di dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Permasalahannya tentang PPSMI yang semakin dipolitikkan sejak akhir-akhir ini adalah, dengan pelaksanaan PPSMI bermaksud menentang perlembagaan negara yang menyatakan bahawa bahasa Melayu adalah bahasa rasmi negara Malaysia.Situasi sekarang semakin rumit dengan campurtangan beberapa pihak yang cuba menangguk di air yang keruh.
tapi kalau difikirkan lebih mendalam, apa faktor sebenar orang menentang PPSMI? adakah kerana takut anak mereka gagal dalam peperiksaan? adakah anak-anak mereka akan jadi orang putih dengan sistem PPSMI? adakah bahasa Melayu akan pupus kerana PPSMI? adakah kerana kebanggaan mendalam tentang bahasa sendiri telah membutakan maksud sebenar pencarian ilmu itu? Adakah dengan wujudnya PPSMI pengeluar buku bahasa melayu akan gulung tikar?Banyak soalan yang boleh ditanya...tepuk dada tanya selera, kalau kita mahu melahirkan jaguh kampung yang hanya mampu bersorak di tanah sendiri, hapuskan PPSMI..supaya anak-anak kita boleh lulus dengan cemerlang di sekolah tetapi tidak berdaya saing di peringkat Universiti walhal global....sedarkah kita berapa ramai mahasiswa yang menganggur bukan kerana tiada pekerjaan tetapi tidak layak bekerja kerana kekurangan pengetahuan dalam bahasa Inggeris..jangan bandingkan negara kita dengan negara yang sudah terbukti pembangunan kemajuan teknologinya...Jepun satu masa dulu perlu belajar bahasa Inggeris untuk mendapatkan pengetahuan teknologi, Sila rujuk era kebangkitan Meiji sebelum mereka membuat keputusan untuk menggunakan bahasa Ibunda mereka sebagai bahasa sains...teknologi Jepun pesat membangun hasil asimilasi dengan negara barat yang membolehkan negara tersebut berdiri sama tinggi dan duduk sama rendah pada awal abad ke-19 lagi, walhal negara Malaysia waktu itu masih tiada dalam peta dunia...50 tahun merdeka bukan jaminan negara sudah matang untuk berdiri sendiri...dari segi teknologi dan ilmu, kita masih di belakang..ketaksuban tak membawa apa-apa erti kalau kita masih tidak kemana..dalam hidup ada masa kita perlu tunduk dan belajar baru kita boleh berdiri megah...tidak salah belajar sains dan matematik dalam bahasa Inggeris kalau kelak kita boleh menghasilkan generasi yang boleh bersaing di mata dunia...pada saat itu, barulah kita boleh mendabik dada dan menggunakan bahasa Melayu itu sendiri sebagai medium Ilmu. Bahasa Melayu bukan tidak kaya, tetapi tiada apa yang sempurna di dunia ini. Bukalah mata dan berhenti menjadi bodoh sombong kerana bodoh sombong itu akan memakan diri kemudian hari.
Ilmu sains dan Matematik bukanlah ilmu turun temurun orang melayu, Ilmu sains dan matematik berkembang dan berevolusi dari zaman ke zaman...dari tamadun ke tamadun...dan transisi ilmu itu bukanlah semudah yang di jangka...para ilmuwan zaman dahulu..terpaksa berhijrah dan bermusafir dari satu tempat ke satu tempat untuk mengutip ilmu...pengumpulan ilmu itu pula perlu dilakukan dengan menggunakan medium bahasa tempat asal ilmu tersebut. Proses terjemahan pula adalah amat rumit kerana terdapat perbezaan dari segi contextual sesuatu perkataan dan ayat yang digunakan. proses ini bukan memakan masa sehari dua, tetapi bertahun-tahun...
Matapelajaran Sains yang di ajar disekolah ini adalah kombinasi ilmu-ilmu sains dari tamadun greek, tamadun China,Tamadun Arab, Tamadun India dan terakhir sekali buat masa ini ialah Tamadun Inggeris...Walaupun Sains tamadun Inggeris yang paling dominan buat masa ini...tetapi masih terdapat sesetengah perkataan latin yang terpaksa digunapakai bagi menggantikan perkataan-perkataan yang tidak terdapat di dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Permasalahannya tentang PPSMI yang semakin dipolitikkan sejak akhir-akhir ini adalah, dengan pelaksanaan PPSMI bermaksud menentang perlembagaan negara yang menyatakan bahawa bahasa Melayu adalah bahasa rasmi negara Malaysia.Situasi sekarang semakin rumit dengan campurtangan beberapa pihak yang cuba menangguk di air yang keruh.
tapi kalau difikirkan lebih mendalam, apa faktor sebenar orang menentang PPSMI? adakah kerana takut anak mereka gagal dalam peperiksaan? adakah anak-anak mereka akan jadi orang putih dengan sistem PPSMI? adakah bahasa Melayu akan pupus kerana PPSMI? adakah kerana kebanggaan mendalam tentang bahasa sendiri telah membutakan maksud sebenar pencarian ilmu itu? Adakah dengan wujudnya PPSMI pengeluar buku bahasa melayu akan gulung tikar?Banyak soalan yang boleh ditanya...tepuk dada tanya selera, kalau kita mahu melahirkan jaguh kampung yang hanya mampu bersorak di tanah sendiri, hapuskan PPSMI..supaya anak-anak kita boleh lulus dengan cemerlang di sekolah tetapi tidak berdaya saing di peringkat Universiti walhal global....sedarkah kita berapa ramai mahasiswa yang menganggur bukan kerana tiada pekerjaan tetapi tidak layak bekerja kerana kekurangan pengetahuan dalam bahasa Inggeris..jangan bandingkan negara kita dengan negara yang sudah terbukti pembangunan kemajuan teknologinya...Jepun satu masa dulu perlu belajar bahasa Inggeris untuk mendapatkan pengetahuan teknologi, Sila rujuk era kebangkitan Meiji sebelum mereka membuat keputusan untuk menggunakan bahasa Ibunda mereka sebagai bahasa sains...teknologi Jepun pesat membangun hasil asimilasi dengan negara barat yang membolehkan negara tersebut berdiri sama tinggi dan duduk sama rendah pada awal abad ke-19 lagi, walhal negara Malaysia waktu itu masih tiada dalam peta dunia...50 tahun merdeka bukan jaminan negara sudah matang untuk berdiri sendiri...dari segi teknologi dan ilmu, kita masih di belakang..ketaksuban tak membawa apa-apa erti kalau kita masih tidak kemana..dalam hidup ada masa kita perlu tunduk dan belajar baru kita boleh berdiri megah...tidak salah belajar sains dan matematik dalam bahasa Inggeris kalau kelak kita boleh menghasilkan generasi yang boleh bersaing di mata dunia...pada saat itu, barulah kita boleh mendabik dada dan menggunakan bahasa Melayu itu sendiri sebagai medium Ilmu. Bahasa Melayu bukan tidak kaya, tetapi tiada apa yang sempurna di dunia ini. Bukalah mata dan berhenti menjadi bodoh sombong kerana bodoh sombong itu akan memakan diri kemudian hari.
- cintaku putus dipermulaan jalan...huwaaa....
Pada petang Jumaat yang penuh dengan kesesakan kereta-kereta manusia yang pulang awal dari kerja kerana gaji sudah masuk, aku memandu ke tempat kerja ibuku. Sewaktu aku memarkir keretaku, ku terlihat seorang makhluk tuhan yang ku kira paling seksi pernah ku jumpa keluar dari pintu pejabat ibuku. Lelaki itu berambut hitam tetapi dihighlightkan kuning.Rambutnya ala-ala rambut Takuya Kimura dalam iklan Gatsby. Muka licin takde jerawat. Badannya seksi disaluti baju kemeja ketat yang berjenama.Kakinya pula disaluti seluar denim yang sangat trendy.Kasutnya pula dari kejauhan nampak seperti diperbuat daripada kulit.Beg sandangnya pula ala-ala beg yang Iqram Dinzly pakai dalam cerita Pepaya tuh..(cheiss...ada bau-bau materialistik pulak aku nih)..tiba-tiba die menggeliat di depanku..ternganga mulut aku melihat keseksian die itu...nampak perut die yang six pack itu..aku tak tipu...aku sedar aku sudah jatuh cinta.Mungkin dia rasa ada orang sedang memerhatikannya, dia pun memandang tepat ke arah aku. gila malu aku tak tau nak letak muka kat mana, iyelah dengan muka separa jakun tuh aku melihat dia(musti dia perasan hensem).Bile mata kami bertentang dia pun menghadiahkan senyuman yang sangat cantik. Aku ingat makhluk macam nih wujud dalam manga je. Rupe-rupenye memang wujud di dunia nyata.Aku rasa seperti terbang di awan biru. Tak rugi rasanya aku mengambil mak aku balik dari kerja hari ini.Lelaki itu kemudian menuju ke arah tempat letak kereta tempat aku parking tuh.dada aku dah berdebar-debar.Rupa-rupany
- Perjalanan pulangku...
Bile aku tengok dpn angkasapuri tadi jam gile, dah sah2 sampai ke metramac nih...mau gak sejam due baru aku sampai rumah. aku pun membuat U-turn dan cuba melalui ke Jalan Kuching...igt nak lalu AKLEH lak...mane tau...kot2 tak jam...hampeh...nak kuar jln nak masuk bangsar pun dah jam...so aku decide lalu highway NPE pegi ke Sungai Besi...sampai sana aku lalu SMART Tunnel.. Kuar dari Smart Tunnel aku aku igt nk U-turn kt Bulatan Kg.Pandan. Mimpilah...jam xhengat.aku pun amik keputusan lalu AKHLEH...and then sampai rumah...aku tgk jam...wow...xsmpi setengah jam dari PJ ke Ampang...takjub2...bile aku tgk wallet aku...aku nangis...Overall duit byr tol RM5.20. RM1.70 sen kt NPE, RM2 kat SMART Tunnel n RM1.50 kat AKLEH....isk isk..isk...memang jalan clear bangat klu lalu highway...tp xsmpi hujung bulan poket aku yg clear dulu...
- hoho..after effect break up...aku semakin merase hodoh...sewius...
member aku kate aku nih strong...pas break up pon steady ag...walaupun ade la jugak berjiwang2...tp xdakla...sampai aku gile meroyan ker...xbley wat lawak ke...huhu...same je perangai aku sebelum dan selepas break up...tp skang aku nak buke cerite...korang hengat senang break up...aku yang baru tige tawun couple pun dah rase stengah mati..huhu...camner la org yg dah couple lame ag dari aku...or dah kawin beranak pinak terime kenyataan yg relationship or jodoh diorg dah over...
huhu...aku cume mengalami after effect yg kecik2 je...seperti xnk g tgk wayang...isk isk..klu tgk wyg musti aku sendu...tp itu xseberat lagi satu tekanan mental yg aku alami...aku ase diri aku hodoh..aku jadi benci diri sendri..aku nak transform jd org lain...huhu...so the fastest way to do dat is by wearing make up..aku ase sape2 yg knal aku pun tau...yg aku bukannye kaki make up..tp pas break up je..aku trus membeli bermcm2 jenis make up...aku xtau r...ape persepsi orang bile aku pakai make up..tp..itu je care aku bley teruskan idup wat mase nih...sampaikan skang nih...aku xbley kuar rumah tanpa make up..aku xnk bg orang tengok kehodohan aku ini...saiko kan...tp itu la yang aku ase skang...huhuhu.
mak aku pon dah wisau2 dgn tabiat baru aku nih sebenarnye...tp aku xbley stop...dah jd macam habit aku....
dah cukup setahun dah aku break up...ari nih....sape kate break up tuh senang...klu x...aku xkan jd saiko smpi camnih...ini baru make up...blom perfume ag, haircare ag, facial care ag...klu aku letak segale mende yg aku dah beli lepas break up....kat dalam nih...sume orang akan igt aku saiko....aku dah abis beriban kat sini jer....
nasib baik ler...aku nih miskin..xtermampu ag nak pki dior ke, lancome ke, chanel ke, shu eumura ke, m.a.c ke, bobby brown ker...isk isk isk...klu aku kaye...confirm satu lori aku borong....kire personality ag satu dlm badan aku nih...considerate gak dgn keadaan poket aku....xdemand mende mahal2 sgt...
aku sampai berenti beli komik okay....utk beli make up...sebab tu la aku skang bace manga online je...dah xde duit nak beli...aku just hope penyakit aku nih xteruk dan curable....itu ajer...sebelom aku destruct diri aku sendri dgn lebih teruk....
- cerita hantu kucheng...miaw2
hari ni aku kene tido sorang2 kat umah...coz smalam aku jage nenek aku kat hospital...ari ni mak aku lak kate die nak jage...huhuhu...so aku bukak la semua lampu yg ade kat rumah aku nih...huhuhu...bukan pasal aku takut hantu...tp aku takut penyamun...dah ade experience pahit la katekan...
nak dijadikan cerite,aku g mandi...dah siap2 mandi....tengah kering2 kan badan...tetibe aku dengar bunyik kucing mengiaw...fuh...berdiri bulu roma aku...kat rumah aku mane ade kucing. mak aku xbagi bela....aku dah gelabah2 waktu tuh...siap sempat bace ayat kursi ok.... so aku pun wat2 mcm biase walaupun kaki dah menggigil...huhuhu...maintain tuh...aku pun g la kat katil aku..tgk lap top...tetibe aku termencarut tut tut tut tut....
hampeh tul la kakak aku nih...die g wat IMenvironment kucheng kat YM die...so bile de buzz aku keluarla bunyik kucing mengiaw...brengsek...aku dah menggelabah tahap karma dah td....huh..buang karan aku je...
nak dijadikan cerite,aku g mandi...dah siap2 mandi....tengah kering2 kan badan...tetibe aku dengar bunyik kucing mengiaw...fuh...berdiri bulu roma aku...kat rumah aku mane ade kucing. mak aku xbagi bela....aku dah gelabah2 waktu tuh...siap sempat bace ayat kursi ok.... so aku pun wat2 mcm biase walaupun kaki dah menggigil...huhuhu...maintain tuh...aku pun g la kat katil aku..tgk lap top...tetibe aku termencarut tut tut tut tut....
hampeh tul la kakak aku nih...die g wat IMenvironment kucheng kat YM die...so bile de buzz aku keluarla bunyik kucing mengiaw...brengsek...aku dah menggelabah tahap karma dah td....huh..buang karan aku je...
- hanging wit the boys...
my life is quite hectic recently...i really feel exhausted and tired...after sending my granny home ( she was discharged from the hospital today but still in a weak condition), i decided to pick my lil bro my lil cousin from school...and have some fun moment with them at KFC...
hearing my lil bro talking about the difference between "aiskrim kampung" and "aiskrim moden" and how being a Libra making him a little bit "miang"...it was so hilarious that i can't help not to laugh...we took some "gedik" pictures and they requested it to be uploaded on FB...
well, i guess hanging out with them sure beat the tired feelling that I had...
- the road not taken - bukan Robert Frost punye..
Dulu mase aku kecik, aku sangat suke subjek sains...especially tema bumi dan alam semesta...aku hafal semua nama planet2 n buruj2 yang ada dalam buku. aku beli ensiklopedia eksperimen n jadi pembaca setia buku Isaac Asimov kat perpustakaan.Tapi aku nih nakal, malas belajar,suke ikut kawan dan kerek xbertempat.so aku bukanlah di kategorikan sebagai pelajar kebanggaan guru2 sebab asik buat masalah tah hape2.nak kate meyesal tuh,mcm dah terlambat je.huhu...xkisah le..name pun budak.bodo, akal x panjang.Nasib baik otak aku nih bijak juge mase kecik.even tak buat keje rumah pun,malas nauzubillah pun.Alhamdulillah ranking aku xpernah corot. Same gak le mase kat sekolah menengah.aku mengalami krisis identiti yang sgt teruk kot. dgn pelbagai masalah dalaman.N alhamdulillah.dgn berkat kawan2 yg prihatin,yg ade dgn aku. I get through it. I become what i am today.
Nih dah besar nih, bile pikir balik.aku selalu cakap dengan diri sendiri. IF I WORK A LIL BIT HARDER THAN THE USUAL..i f perangai aku elok dulu...huhu...mebi aku mampu jadi the best...aku xdengki dgn pencapaian org lain.aku xsebok nak achieve mende mengarut-ngarut.I simply just want to live a comfortable life. xde maknenye aku nak dengki dgn pencapaian orang lain.xkemaruk aku.tapi, ade member2 aku kate "sebab perangai ko yg laidback ni la, orang xrespect kat ko,org pandang rendah kat ko, n sampai bile2 pun ko xdpt jd yg the best".Hmm,ade aku kisah???
When I look back, member2 aku xkire baru atau lame, selalu tanye soalan entah ape2 kat aku. ase nak bagi penampar pun ade gak. soalan feveret diorang:
1.bile ko nak abis belajar? diikuti dengan perlian (ko kan budak pandai) dan cacian (xkan repeat kot)
ape ko sebok bile aku abis blaja.ade aku mintak duit ko.
2.Ko bile nak kawen yek? diikuti dengan perlian (ko kan ramai pakwe) dan cacian (diorg xthn dgn ko kot)
(huh,klu aku kene tinggal skali pun,aku bukan menyerah badan kat jantan2 tuh pun,duit diorg pun aku xkikis,xrugi ape.dari aku dok nak kawin awal,pastu terhegeh2 ag nak byr hutan pinjaman peribadi buat duit hantaran dulu...nak buat ape?)
3.Ko tak keje ag ke? diikuti dgn perlian (iyela, xabis2 belajar) dan cacian( macam pandai sgt)
(ske ati la bile aku nak keje,bukan mintak makan dgn ko pun.ape keje aku,itu xpenting.janji halal.aku keje kerana passion,bukan utk kelansungan hidup.so aku akan dapatkan ape yg aku nak dlm idup.ko nak sebok pehal.paling2 pun korang pikir psl keje ape yg bley bg korang byk duit kan.so jgn nak samekan aku dgn ko)
and then diorg mesti dok sebok2 citer pasal kehebatan hidup diorang sekarang.yang aku xhingin pun nak amik tau.contoh nye:
1.aku dah kawin.Laki aku belikan aku kete.(ade aku kisah,bapak aku bg kete kat aku.xbising kat ko pun)
2.aku jadi artis lagi masyuk.xyah belajar pandai2.(cilakak,tau la ko lawa,asal nak dengki aku blaja lak.ko igt ko lawa smpi mati?)
3.aku skang keje jadi engineer.gaji 4 angka.(xikhlas sungguh,confirm ko keje xepi.)
4.La, ko keje dgn kerajaan ke nnt? xbest nye xglamer (huh,ko igt ko glamor sgt?aku nak tgk ko menyembah bank2 nak wat pinjaman kete n rumah,pastu bergolok gadai bayar bil hospital bile sakit tenat)
Hmm...letih aku nak melayan soalan2 camnih.Tp dah member, nak wat camne.Aku pun bukannye baik sgt.tp aku malas nak busybody psl mende2 camnih.Aku xtau ape yg diorg dapat dengan compete2 sesame member nih.Sepatutnye bile member kite susah or down.kite buat ape yg patut utk tolong die.bagi support kat die.bukan dok menganjing,mengejek orang tuh.buat die jadi lagi sendu.
And then, if member tuh berjaya.aku xde pun dengki.lagi hepi adela utk die.especially klu member tuh jenis yg humble,down to earth dan ingat kawan.klu yang jenis xsedar diri tuh. g berambus je la.mengaku member pun aku xnak.
Aku mcm org lain gak.menyampah bile tgk org lain tergedik2.sengal bile tengok jantan budget ensem, blagak cool.adeh buruk perangai.seriau tgk minat gedik duk menggesel2 kat jantan.bosan dgn org yg ske tunjuk pandai n berlagak leader wlupun hapah xtau.dan aku dgn yakin tahu, xsemua org suke aku.adat la tuh.xsedih pun...bukan pasal riak or nak cakap besar.tp penting ke nak buat org ske aku,for me it's enuff to have few friends who cares about me.yg mmg akan stay dgn aku no matter how bitchy I can be.
Aku dah bosan nk berbaik dgn org yg claim die member aku.tp dari dulu smpi skang.asik merendah2kan aku,mengejek aku.WTF.Psstu simply claim aku sombong, padahal diorang xpernah consider aku nih part of their life pun.aku mati ke, sakit ke,ade diorg kisah.yang diorg kisah "awat ko pakai kancil ag mi, bile nak upgrade?" cilake, meh sini belikan aku. ko punye kete tu harap je mahal.tp soru ko tiap2 bulan sangkut pasal nak membayar utang keta.pastu tergedik2 meminjam kat orang.ade aku bising.dah bapak aku bagi kancil.pakai je la.aku bersyukur,walaupun masih blaja.aku bley pakai kete,xpyh nak byr bulan2 mcm ko yg dah keje nih baru dpt pakai keta...aku sedar kat luar sane masih ramai budak yg kene jalan kaki g klass,yg naik public transportation.aku bersyukur kot.
ape ko pedulik klu aku pki baju pasar malam sekali pun.hebat sgt la,klu bley pakai baju Guess, baju G2000, baju ZARA.huh...nampak sgt ko memang xamik tau pasal aku smpi ko xtau taste aku camne.cube la tgk diri dlm cermin sat.baju mahal x gune kot klu pemakainye sendat dan murahan tau x.aku xde pun kutuk2 org lain pakai baju cap ayam.kalau dah die pakai lawa,xkisah le bundle ke, pasar malam ke, memang akan tetap lawa.tp klu dah buruk tuh,pakai ape pun buruk gak.Ko pakai la gaun Vevien Westwood skali pun, tetap huduh.Ramai member2 aku yg cun dan lawa2 tapi sgt humble.pakai baju Sg.Wang yg RM10 pun xkesah.aku respect dgn diorg.tipula aku xnk pakai baju branded.aku beli gak skali sekale,aku pki gak sekali sekale.tp bukan nak berlagak kat orang.Ape aku dpt pun.Xdpt ape.Org menyampah dgn aku lagi ade la, xkan aku nk pakai baju guess stakat nak jumpe ko. layak ke. pakai baju pasar malam sudah.
So as a conclusion,just becoz i didn't follow ur path n i chose another road to tread on, it give u excuses to think u r better than me.So else other people.biar la diorg nak jadi ape.as long as they know what they are doing.
Nih dah besar nih, bile pikir balik.aku selalu cakap dengan diri sendiri. IF I WORK A LIL BIT HARDER THAN THE USUAL..i f perangai aku elok dulu...huhu...mebi aku mampu jadi the best...aku xdengki dgn pencapaian org lain.aku xsebok nak achieve mende mengarut-ngarut.I simply just want to live a comfortable life. xde maknenye aku nak dengki dgn pencapaian orang lain.xkemaruk aku.tapi, ade member2 aku kate "sebab perangai ko yg laidback ni la, orang xrespect kat ko,org pandang rendah kat ko, n sampai bile2 pun ko xdpt jd yg the best".Hmm,ade aku kisah???
When I look back, member2 aku xkire baru atau lame, selalu tanye soalan entah ape2 kat aku. ase nak bagi penampar pun ade gak. soalan feveret diorang:
1.bile ko nak abis belajar? diikuti dengan perlian (ko kan budak pandai) dan cacian (xkan repeat kot)
ape ko sebok bile aku abis blaja.ade aku mintak duit ko.
2.Ko bile nak kawen yek? diikuti dengan perlian (ko kan ramai pakwe) dan cacian (diorg xthn dgn ko kot)
(huh,klu aku kene tinggal skali pun,aku bukan menyerah badan kat jantan2 tuh pun,duit diorg pun aku xkikis,xrugi ape.dari aku dok nak kawin awal,pastu terhegeh2 ag nak byr hutan pinjaman peribadi buat duit hantaran dulu...nak buat ape?)
3.Ko tak keje ag ke? diikuti dgn perlian (iyela, xabis2 belajar) dan cacian( macam pandai sgt)
(ske ati la bile aku nak keje,bukan mintak makan dgn ko pun.ape keje aku,itu xpenting.janji halal.aku keje kerana passion,bukan utk kelansungan hidup.so aku akan dapatkan ape yg aku nak dlm idup.ko nak sebok pehal.paling2 pun korang pikir psl keje ape yg bley bg korang byk duit kan.so jgn nak samekan aku dgn ko)
and then diorg mesti dok sebok2 citer pasal kehebatan hidup diorang sekarang.yang aku xhingin pun nak amik tau.contoh nye:
1.aku dah kawin.Laki aku belikan aku kete.(ade aku kisah,bapak aku bg kete kat aku.xbising kat ko pun)
2.aku jadi artis lagi masyuk.xyah belajar pandai2.(cilakak,tau la ko lawa,asal nak dengki aku blaja lak.ko igt ko lawa smpi mati?)
3.aku skang keje jadi engineer.gaji 4 angka.(xikhlas sungguh,confirm ko keje xepi.)
4.La, ko keje dgn kerajaan ke nnt? xbest nye xglamer (huh,ko igt ko glamor sgt?aku nak tgk ko menyembah bank2 nak wat pinjaman kete n rumah,pastu bergolok gadai bayar bil hospital bile sakit tenat)
Hmm...letih aku nak melayan soalan2 camnih.Tp dah member, nak wat camne.Aku pun bukannye baik sgt.tp aku malas nak busybody psl mende2 camnih.Aku xtau ape yg diorg dapat dengan compete2 sesame member nih.Sepatutnye bile member kite susah or down.kite buat ape yg patut utk tolong die.bagi support kat die.bukan dok menganjing,mengejek orang tuh.buat die jadi lagi sendu.
And then, if member tuh berjaya.aku xde pun dengki.lagi hepi adela utk die.especially klu member tuh jenis yg humble,down to earth dan ingat kawan.klu yang jenis xsedar diri tuh. g berambus je la.mengaku member pun aku xnak.
Aku mcm org lain gak.menyampah bile tgk org lain tergedik2.sengal bile tengok jantan budget ensem, blagak cool.adeh buruk perangai.seriau tgk minat gedik duk menggesel2 kat jantan.bosan dgn org yg ske tunjuk pandai n berlagak leader wlupun hapah xtau.dan aku dgn yakin tahu, xsemua org suke aku.adat la tuh.xsedih pun...bukan pasal riak or nak cakap besar.tp penting ke nak buat org ske aku,for me it's enuff to have few friends who cares about me.yg mmg akan stay dgn aku no matter how bitchy I can be.
Aku dah bosan nk berbaik dgn org yg claim die member aku.tp dari dulu smpi skang.asik merendah2kan aku,mengejek aku.WTF.Psstu simply claim aku sombong, padahal diorang xpernah consider aku nih part of their life pun.aku mati ke, sakit ke,ade diorg kisah.yang diorg kisah "awat ko pakai kancil ag mi, bile nak upgrade?" cilake, meh sini belikan aku. ko punye kete tu harap je mahal.tp soru ko tiap2 bulan sangkut pasal nak membayar utang keta.pastu tergedik2 meminjam kat orang.ade aku bising.dah bapak aku bagi kancil.pakai je la.aku bersyukur,walaupun masih blaja.aku bley pakai kete,xpyh nak byr bulan2 mcm ko yg dah keje nih baru dpt pakai keta...aku sedar kat luar sane masih ramai budak yg kene jalan kaki g klass,yg naik public transportation.aku bersyukur kot.
ape ko pedulik klu aku pki baju pasar malam sekali pun.hebat sgt la,klu bley pakai baju Guess, baju G2000, baju ZARA.huh...nampak sgt ko memang xamik tau pasal aku smpi ko xtau taste aku camne.cube la tgk diri dlm cermin sat.baju mahal x gune kot klu pemakainye sendat dan murahan tau x.aku xde pun kutuk2 org lain pakai baju cap ayam.kalau dah die pakai lawa,xkisah le bundle ke, pasar malam ke, memang akan tetap lawa.tp klu dah buruk tuh,pakai ape pun buruk gak.Ko pakai la gaun Vevien Westwood skali pun, tetap huduh.Ramai member2 aku yg cun dan lawa2 tapi sgt humble.pakai baju Sg.Wang yg RM10 pun xkesah.aku respect dgn diorg.tipula aku xnk pakai baju branded.aku beli gak skali sekale,aku pki gak sekali sekale.tp bukan nak berlagak kat orang.Ape aku dpt pun.Xdpt ape.Org menyampah dgn aku lagi ade la, xkan aku nk pakai baju guess stakat nak jumpe ko. layak ke. pakai baju pasar malam sudah.
So as a conclusion,just becoz i didn't follow ur path n i chose another road to tread on, it give u excuses to think u r better than me.So else other people.biar la diorg nak jadi ape.as long as they know what they are doing.
- his say and my say...if u dun like it,,just ignore it...just delete it, remove it, just do what ever you want...
his say:"there will be a huge outcry here and internationally"
my say:yeah the US love u so much. Don't they? they would certainly demanding to let you go..aren't you their little puppy?
his say:"The worst-case scenario for me personally would be great for the opposition and the worst-case scenario for the government"
my say:yeah the US love u so much. Don't they? they would certainly demanding to let you go..aren't you their little puppy?
his say:"The worst-case scenario for me personally would be great for the opposition and the worst-case scenario for the government"
my say: yeah it would be the worse case scenario for the government if you become the leader of this country...nope...wait...it's understatement...the truth is it's the nightmare for the country...please don't be a leader...please don't sell this country out like you nearly did back then...please please...just retire and rest at the comfort of your home...so we don't have to go through the predicament...
his say:"My chances, given a free fair trial, are 100 percent, but under the current circumstances the chances go down fast"
my say:If you could just bersumpah junjung Al-quran...you don't have to go through this ordeal uncle...just look at Najib. He did...it doesn't matter he is womanizer or not, it doesn't matter if his wife is a maniac..(I said IF)..it doesn't matter if he lied with the Al-Quran on top of him..he did and you didn't...he came clean and you didn't.. i thought Islam teaches us to avoid the fitna..if you are so innocent and want to stop the fitna and clear your name..just do that...with that simple act of ritual..the fitna would stop..people won't claim you a homo anymore. It doesn't matter if you lie, because we won't know.It's only between you and God then.So,stop pretending to be the victim of the conspiracy..nobody conspire against you...it just a waste of time..you are the victim of your own action...admit it..
his say:"Nobody likes to go to jail, but I will do it if forced to ... and hopefully (come) out like a hero."
my say: i'm eager to know what would you claim later while you in there...injected by H1N1 virus??? poisoned by baking powder??? or maybe pursuing another master degree or PHD...what a life...how many inmates in this world...esp if the government is so eager to get rid of...had an opportunity to further their study in order to enrich themselves with knowledge so they can bite the government at the hand after they go out of jail...chances is...ZERO...note that...none...so consider yourself lucky...u still alive and kicking...seems like the HIV virus you claimed was injected inside your body has no effect on you...you are without a doubt...a superhero...
his say:"If (Prime Minister) Najib pursues this, he is making a big blunder. It will continue to haunt him for the rest of his life,"
my say: wow, what a threat...if I were Najib...i would do that...because you are such a nuisance to begin with...hmm...why don't u ask CIA to come out with some pretext...the assassination of Anwar...put the blame on the government...you will surely be a hero..a legend..people will cry beside your grave..and the opposition alliance would have 100% chances to be the next government even without the election...but bad news is...you won't be a PM...because you are dead...You don't want that, do you?
his say:"They can control the judiciary, the media, the police but they cannot control public opinion."
my say: I am the public...my word does count...and a crime is a crime...no matter who did that..no matter if it voluntarily sodomy or forcefully...especially if you have a wife and six children to begin with..the most unforgivable betrayal a husband and a father could ever do...but i guess...u are above the law...so u practically don't believe in them...and you have a very supportive family, a pious wife who keep supporting you no matter who you are...a non scandalous children who had to go through baptism of fire at the young age because of you...just don't make any of them your proxy when you are in jail OK..u r barking about Nepotism...how different are you from your enemy??..first the wife, then the daughter...but they will keep supporting you..if I were them..i would support you too...just like i would support my father although he just made the biggest mistake in his life...blood is blood...just appreciate them and spend your time with them...you are too old to dance to the rhythm anymore...
his say:"The three parties are holding "elaborate sessions" on who would lead the alliance into next elections. This time, we are prepared for everything,"
my say: now that they have the public support..they don't need you anymore..you are just a mascot...something for them to show off in the name of justice...they hated you back then...what makes you think they will like you now...admit it...instead of you using them..the tables are turned...don't you feel used?????
his say:"My chances, given a free fair trial, are 100 percent, but under the current circumstances the chances go down fast"
my say:If you could just bersumpah junjung Al-quran...you don't have to go through this ordeal uncle...just look at Najib. He did...it doesn't matter he is womanizer or not, it doesn't matter if his wife is a maniac..(I said IF)..it doesn't matter if he lied with the Al-Quran on top of him..he did and you didn't...he came clean and you didn't.. i thought Islam teaches us to avoid the fitna..if you are so innocent and want to stop the fitna and clear your name..just do that...with that simple act of ritual..the fitna would stop..people won't claim you a homo anymore. It doesn't matter if you lie, because we won't know.It's only between you and God then.So,stop pretending to be the victim of the conspiracy..nobody conspire against you...it just a waste of time..you are the victim of your own action...admit it..
his say:"Nobody likes to go to jail, but I will do it if forced to ... and hopefully (come) out like a hero."
my say: i'm eager to know what would you claim later while you in there...injected by H1N1 virus??? poisoned by baking powder??? or maybe pursuing another master degree or PHD...what a life...how many inmates in this world...esp if the government is so eager to get rid of...had an opportunity to further their study in order to enrich themselves with knowledge so they can bite the government at the hand after they go out of jail...chances is...ZERO...note that...none...so consider yourself lucky...u still alive and kicking...seems like the HIV virus you claimed was injected inside your body has no effect on you...you are without a doubt...a superhero...
his say:"If (Prime Minister) Najib pursues this, he is making a big blunder. It will continue to haunt him for the rest of his life,"
my say: wow, what a threat...if I were Najib...i would do that...because you are such a nuisance to begin with...hmm...why don't u ask CIA to come out with some pretext...the assassination of Anwar...put the blame on the government...you will surely be a hero..a legend..people will cry beside your grave..and the opposition alliance would have 100% chances to be the next government even without the election...but bad news is...you won't be a PM...because you are dead...You don't want that, do you?
his say:"They can control the judiciary, the media, the police but they cannot control public opinion."
my say: I am the public...my word does count...and a crime is a crime...no matter who did that..no matter if it voluntarily sodomy or forcefully...especially if you have a wife and six children to begin with..the most unforgivable betrayal a husband and a father could ever do...but i guess...u are above the law...so u practically don't believe in them...and you have a very supportive family, a pious wife who keep supporting you no matter who you are...a non scandalous children who had to go through baptism of fire at the young age because of you...just don't make any of them your proxy when you are in jail OK..u r barking about Nepotism...how different are you from your enemy??..first the wife, then the daughter...but they will keep supporting you..if I were them..i would support you too...just like i would support my father although he just made the biggest mistake in his life...blood is blood...just appreciate them and spend your time with them...you are too old to dance to the rhythm anymore...
his say:"The three parties are holding "elaborate sessions" on who would lead the alliance into next elections. This time, we are prepared for everything,"
my say: now that they have the public support..they don't need you anymore..you are just a mascot...something for them to show off in the name of justice...they hated you back then...what makes you think they will like you now...admit it...instead of you using them..the tables are turned...don't you feel used?????
- a piece of my mourning heart...
I was in the same room with my grandmother when the doctor from hematology department confirmed to her that she suffered from cancer...though they never did figure out how she could end up with the disease since she is the type who eats healthily, never been exposed to any radical things, never smoke or consume alcohol beverages, have neither relatives from patriarchal or matriarchal side who suffer from the same disease, so the doctor concluded, my grandmother was unlucky..the doctor told my grandmother, "there is no option when it comes to cancer, the only way is chemotheraphy. It's a painful process, there will be a massive hair loss, the appetite probable gone, the body will be dehydrated easily, there will be lots of vomits and the immunity system won't be functioning like it used to, in other words the body will be prone to any kind of germs and viruses that revolves in the air" Calmly listening to the doctor though she could not really fathom how dangerous and painful the process that she's going to endure,my grandmother replied by saying "if it can make me better, i would do it"..so the agreement was signed that day, and my grandmother officially become the occupant of WAD G3 in HTAR whereas me, my mother and my aunt have become the frequent visitor there.
It was five months ago....and during that five month, I was there to see, how this lively old woman, who cannot sit still and loves gardening more than anything else slowly whithered in front my eyes. I'm not a model grandchild though, while taking care of her, we did fight a lot. when it comes with dealing with the old people, it can be really troublesome. i did cry a lot. due to the pressure and fatigued. the feeling that only those who has someone close to them being hospitalized would understand. Sometimes i feel unfair, since I'm the only one who has time to kill at that moment, unlike my other siblings and cousins whom are quite busy. so i have to help my mom who is working, to look after my grandma. It's tiring and moneystealing.I had to drive from Ampang to Klang every night,(my aunt took care of my grandma during the day, and my mom will take over during the whole weekend), and go back to Ampang at the morning. I never sleep during the day. It just the habit that I had since childhood. So during the day, I just led my life as usual. Hanging out with either my boyfriend or my friends or did my daily routine such as watching TV, reading manga, playing some games. Though how exhausted, it's really hard for me to close my eyes.
But enough about me, let's focus on my grandma. The doctors and nurse practically did what they were suppose to do. the needle was stick into my grandma's hand so that the water can enter my grandma's body to ensure that she get hydrated around the clock,numbers of colorful pills i never get to remember the names needed to be consumed every single hour, the process of drawing blood from my grandma's body for the test i could never grasp what they are for...and seeing how healthy and plump person like my granny can turn out skinny and hollow..it just frightening...it got to the point when she could no longer walk and had to wear diapers.
At first the process of changing the clothes was really tough. and it's a lie that I did not feel disgusted when the time came for changing the diapers because it definitely was not a beautiful sight...and it's never not unconfortable for both of us. but day in and day out...it has become easy for me.I get used to it.
By taking care of her, I realized. We became closer. I talked to her about lots of things, things I would never talk to her or even had a chance to talk to her when she was healthy. I talk about my nearing convocation day and how i won't get married until the age of 30. She would made face and said "I would never get to see my grandchildren get married". I talked about my next trip to KK and asked her if she wanted anything as a souvenir.She just shook her head, and told me to enjoy myself while I was there.
It's funny, but the truth is...I remember more about her when she was sick rather than when she was healthy. I remember she loves to drink the milk my father bought for her. I remember she asked my mother to buy a big bag so she can easily packed her things while in the hospital. I remember she wanted to eat fried mee so much and how she's dying to take a bite of salted fish...these memories will always linger in my mind like a photograph nailed to the wall.
Nearing her last breath, she suffered from skin disease, it worsened her condition, things just get uglier from that day onward.Since i started working and moved to Johor. the contact has become less frequent, the last time i saw her alive, sane and conscious was on Sunday the week before last week. She had difficulty in breathing and needed to be taken to ICU.I was suppose to take care of her that night. But i suddenly fell ill, my body felt weak seeing how frail she had become.before i go back home, I kissed her hand and said " Wan, jage diri elok2. kak ngah balik dulu ye" and she just nodded.That's the last conversation we exchanged with each other.
Days ago, she had a heart attack followed by a stroke that paralyzed half her body.The doctor concluded, she could not be saved anymore.I decided to back to kl. Lucky for me,my friend was willing to send me to my hometown on the way to her home. I feel grateful for her. Following my grandmother's request that she wanted to rest in peace at the comfort of her own home, the ambulance was summoned to bring her home. With the supply of 3 hour of Oxygen from the oxygen tank.The doctor said she doesn't have much time anymore. By the time, the oxygen from the tank runs, we should be counting the hours. She managed to survived for 2 days straight. with lack of water and oxygen supply. She kept fighting to live till the end. though she was unconscious most of the time, we knew that she was there and she was aware with her surrounding.When we tried to move her to change her clothes and diapers.Tears falling from her eyes.I didn't know what she's thinking. I just hope that she didn't feel the pain. It must be painful.Only god knows how painful it is. The feeling of nearing death is beyond our imagination. The only thing i can do is to recite the Ya seen over and over again. So that things would be easy for her.
I didn't have a chance to be with her during her last breath.I needed to go back to Batu Pahat. I kissed both of her cheek and her forehead and said "kak ngah pergi dulu ye wan"..I somehow knew that would be the last time i get to see her and get to touch her. By the time i reach batu pahat, it was nearing iftar . right after the azan was recited and all the muslim break their fast. I got a phone call from my sister telling me that my grandmother was no more. She has leave this world. then I called my mom, asking her if i could come back to KL. she forbade me from doing so. Given the fact that i just reach there, it would be too tiring for me to drive back to KL, alone and in the middle of the night with the not so right emotion and exhaustion from the previous journey.
the day after tomorrow the news of my grandmother's death spreading around the school until it reaches the ears of my headmaster. he called me to his office and asked if I want to take an emergency leave. he would give until three days if i want to. So i called my mom, asking her if i can go back. then again, she refute. saying that there is no use. because by the time, i got there. My grandma's body is already been buried. She asked me to pray for her soul here in Batu Pahat. She convinced me that my grandma knew that i was there the whole time and my going back will not change anything.after hearing the logic, i give in. So i told the headmaster that i didn't want to take the emergency leave.I proceed teaching as usual and lucky me. I have many concern friends and colleagues.My friend supported me though the distance doesn't allow us to see each other.They called me to make sure I'm alright. My colleagues held a Ya seen recital for my Grandmother. I feel thankful for everyone who help me get through this sad moment of my life. and Al-Fatiha for my grandma...i love you...
It was five months ago....and during that five month, I was there to see, how this lively old woman, who cannot sit still and loves gardening more than anything else slowly whithered in front my eyes. I'm not a model grandchild though, while taking care of her, we did fight a lot. when it comes with dealing with the old people, it can be really troublesome. i did cry a lot. due to the pressure and fatigued. the feeling that only those who has someone close to them being hospitalized would understand. Sometimes i feel unfair, since I'm the only one who has time to kill at that moment, unlike my other siblings and cousins whom are quite busy. so i have to help my mom who is working, to look after my grandma. It's tiring and moneystealing.I had to drive from Ampang to Klang every night,(my aunt took care of my grandma during the day, and my mom will take over during the whole weekend), and go back to Ampang at the morning. I never sleep during the day. It just the habit that I had since childhood. So during the day, I just led my life as usual. Hanging out with either my boyfriend or my friends or did my daily routine such as watching TV, reading manga, playing some games. Though how exhausted, it's really hard for me to close my eyes.
But enough about me, let's focus on my grandma. The doctors and nurse practically did what they were suppose to do. the needle was stick into my grandma's hand so that the water can enter my grandma's body to ensure that she get hydrated around the clock,numbers of colorful pills i never get to remember the names needed to be consumed every single hour, the process of drawing blood from my grandma's body for the test i could never grasp what they are for...and seeing how healthy and plump person like my granny can turn out skinny and hollow..it just frightening...it got to the point when she could no longer walk and had to wear diapers.
At first the process of changing the clothes was really tough. and it's a lie that I did not feel disgusted when the time came for changing the diapers because it definitely was not a beautiful sight...and it's never not unconfortable for both of us. but day in and day out...it has become easy for me.I get used to it.
By taking care of her, I realized. We became closer. I talked to her about lots of things, things I would never talk to her or even had a chance to talk to her when she was healthy. I talk about my nearing convocation day and how i won't get married until the age of 30. She would made face and said "I would never get to see my grandchildren get married". I talked about my next trip to KK and asked her if she wanted anything as a souvenir.She just shook her head, and told me to enjoy myself while I was there.
It's funny, but the truth is...I remember more about her when she was sick rather than when she was healthy. I remember she loves to drink the milk my father bought for her. I remember she asked my mother to buy a big bag so she can easily packed her things while in the hospital. I remember she wanted to eat fried mee so much and how she's dying to take a bite of salted fish...these memories will always linger in my mind like a photograph nailed to the wall.
Nearing her last breath, she suffered from skin disease, it worsened her condition, things just get uglier from that day onward.Since i started working and moved to Johor. the contact has become less frequent, the last time i saw her alive, sane and conscious was on Sunday the week before last week. She had difficulty in breathing and needed to be taken to ICU.I was suppose to take care of her that night. But i suddenly fell ill, my body felt weak seeing how frail she had become.before i go back home, I kissed her hand and said " Wan, jage diri elok2. kak ngah balik dulu ye" and she just nodded.That's the last conversation we exchanged with each other.
Days ago, she had a heart attack followed by a stroke that paralyzed half her body.The doctor concluded, she could not be saved anymore.I decided to back to kl. Lucky for me,my friend was willing to send me to my hometown on the way to her home. I feel grateful for her. Following my grandmother's request that she wanted to rest in peace at the comfort of her own home, the ambulance was summoned to bring her home. With the supply of 3 hour of Oxygen from the oxygen tank.The doctor said she doesn't have much time anymore. By the time, the oxygen from the tank runs, we should be counting the hours. She managed to survived for 2 days straight. with lack of water and oxygen supply. She kept fighting to live till the end. though she was unconscious most of the time, we knew that she was there and she was aware with her surrounding.When we tried to move her to change her clothes and diapers.Tears falling from her eyes.I didn't know what she's thinking. I just hope that she didn't feel the pain. It must be painful.Only god knows how painful it is. The feeling of nearing death is beyond our imagination. The only thing i can do is to recite the Ya seen over and over again. So that things would be easy for her.
I didn't have a chance to be with her during her last breath.I needed to go back to Batu Pahat. I kissed both of her cheek and her forehead and said "kak ngah pergi dulu ye wan"..I somehow knew that would be the last time i get to see her and get to touch her. By the time i reach batu pahat, it was nearing iftar . right after the azan was recited and all the muslim break their fast. I got a phone call from my sister telling me that my grandmother was no more. She has leave this world. then I called my mom, asking her if i could come back to KL. she forbade me from doing so. Given the fact that i just reach there, it would be too tiring for me to drive back to KL, alone and in the middle of the night with the not so right emotion and exhaustion from the previous journey.
the day after tomorrow the news of my grandmother's death spreading around the school until it reaches the ears of my headmaster. he called me to his office and asked if I want to take an emergency leave. he would give until three days if i want to. So i called my mom, asking her if i can go back. then again, she refute. saying that there is no use. because by the time, i got there. My grandma's body is already been buried. She asked me to pray for her soul here in Batu Pahat. She convinced me that my grandma knew that i was there the whole time and my going back will not change anything.after hearing the logic, i give in. So i told the headmaster that i didn't want to take the emergency leave.I proceed teaching as usual and lucky me. I have many concern friends and colleagues.My friend supported me though the distance doesn't allow us to see each other.They called me to make sure I'm alright. My colleagues held a Ya seen recital for my Grandmother. I feel thankful for everyone who help me get through this sad moment of my life. and Al-Fatiha for my grandma...i love you...
