- Just by feeling...
it comes when I least expecting it,
I wish it will go away,
coz the feeling
I've suffered from it...
i don't see u when i sleep
i don't need u to touch me
i don't even want to look ur way
so god
please help me get u out of my mind..
I don't want the feeling to be mine
though how much i feel disturbed just by lookin at u
i try to hate u
but I find no reason to
but to like u
it's something that u n i will never do
coz i dun need u in my life
the way u dun need me in urs
separately we are happy
with our own life
with our own world
so i try hard to erase my feelin
coz I know
it's enough
just by feeling
i will hate myself
IN THE END.
I wish it will go away,
coz the feeling
I've suffered from it...
i don't see u when i sleep
i don't need u to touch me
i don't even want to look ur way
so god
please help me get u out of my mind..
I don't want the feeling to be mine
though how much i feel disturbed just by lookin at u
i try to hate u
but I find no reason to
but to like u
it's something that u n i will never do
coz i dun need u in my life
the way u dun need me in urs
separately we are happy
with our own life
with our own world
so i try hard to erase my feelin
coz I know
it's enough
just by feeling
i will hate myself
IN THE END.
ps: it's about an unwanted attraction that i felt towards my own course mate
- The darkness of lies
Standing in the midst of nothingness
i try to unveil the truth that lies in front of me
with my eyes wide shut
try to feel it from the tip of my fingers
the texture of only the skin would understand
just like yesterday when i dreaming of you
the tenderness that would never be mine
i wish we could just go back to square one
the day when we learnt the bitterness of pain
and instead of pushing the pain away
we should swallow and chew it inside
like when we used to bite our lips till they are bleeding
for we afraid of saying the truth
we could do so much better than just this
and if only we tried
we won't have to go through this ordeal till the end
the past is a regrettable one
no glimspe of triumph and pride
for all we knew we have lost everythin from the start
and living a lie for the sake of surviving the wilderness
the shame we brought to our graves
and if i ever see you tonight
i don't know should i cry like the other days
or killing you right there and then
because from the beginning
the truth is we are just a coward person who scared of each other's shadows
though how much in the heart we are united as one..
and now on my bended knees
i'm pleading myself to GOD
please let me know if we are forgiven for those lies we made...
i try to unveil the truth that lies in front of me
with my eyes wide shut
try to feel it from the tip of my fingers
the texture of only the skin would understand
just like yesterday when i dreaming of you
the tenderness that would never be mine
i wish we could just go back to square one
the day when we learnt the bitterness of pain
and instead of pushing the pain away
we should swallow and chew it inside
like when we used to bite our lips till they are bleeding
for we afraid of saying the truth
we could do so much better than just this
and if only we tried
we won't have to go through this ordeal till the end
the past is a regrettable one
no glimspe of triumph and pride
for all we knew we have lost everythin from the start
and living a lie for the sake of surviving the wilderness
the shame we brought to our graves
and if i ever see you tonight
i don't know should i cry like the other days
or killing you right there and then
because from the beginning
the truth is we are just a coward person who scared of each other's shadows
though how much in the heart we are united as one..
and now on my bended knees
i'm pleading myself to GOD
please let me know if we are forgiven for those lies we made...
ps: it's describe the ugly truth of lie
- I've gotten over you...
i'm so proud of myself,
when I was able to walk away without turning back,
the last time i saw you,
thank you for helping me to let you go,
thank you for being nice to me,
i'm so glad that i could never hate you,
seing how good your life is without me,
seeing the smile on your face,
i know there's no longer a place for me,
and i realize our two world will never meet,
and it's a good thing to part,
i'm ready to move on,
i want to fly like a bird,
to fly high without restrain,
finding myself....my true self,
of who i want to be....
i want to do something,
more...more than i thought i could do...
i still don't know what to become,
i still have no idea what to hope for,
but i know one thing.
i have stopped longing for you,
though i hope we can remain friends,
but i really don't want to turn back this time,
i have gotten over you,
as much as you have gotten over me,
i wish you have a happy life,
and i promise myself i would be happy,
and stop crying over you and me...
because i realize,
you and me....
it has become a history.....
when I was able to walk away without turning back,
the last time i saw you,
thank you for helping me to let you go,
thank you for being nice to me,
i'm so glad that i could never hate you,
seing how good your life is without me,
seeing the smile on your face,
i know there's no longer a place for me,
and i realize our two world will never meet,
and it's a good thing to part,
i'm ready to move on,
i want to fly like a bird,
to fly high without restrain,
finding myself....my true self,
of who i want to be....
i want to do something,
more...more than i thought i could do...
i still don't know what to become,
i still have no idea what to hope for,
but i know one thing.
i have stopped longing for you,
though i hope we can remain friends,
but i really don't want to turn back this time,
i have gotten over you,
as much as you have gotten over me,
i wish you have a happy life,
and i promise myself i would be happy,
and stop crying over you and me...
because i realize,
you and me....
it has become a history.....
ps: for my ex
- Without title
i fell out of love again
never thought that i still cry for him
just like yesterday
feeling a hole inside of me
the emptiness
never thought it able to hurt me
this deep
I guess i never learn my lesson
This stubborn me never want to let go
never wanting to stop....
keep finding every replacement of love
allowing self to be trapped by fate
Knowing fully well
that it would come to this...
keep playing the same old drama
needing to be rescued
when my heart is crying out loud
this damsel though how distress she is
doesn't need to be saved
she just want to go against the reality
just want to dream
for once
just want to be what she's not
just want to compensate for her crime
just want to escape from her guilt
keep finding way for retribution
i hope somehow by doing this
and hurting myself
the regret that i nail to my heart will soon disappear
though I know
to love and to be happy
it just too much for me
because i love myself too much
and i definitely don't deserve to love
i'm so selfish
i'm so proud
i'm so full of hatred
I don't know how to love without hurting
not wanting to stop
demanding others to keep their pace
and when I look back
they have stopped following.
never thought that i still cry for him
just like yesterday
feeling a hole inside of me
the emptiness
never thought it able to hurt me
this deep
I guess i never learn my lesson
This stubborn me never want to let go
never wanting to stop....
keep finding every replacement of love
allowing self to be trapped by fate
Knowing fully well
that it would come to this...
keep playing the same old drama
needing to be rescued
when my heart is crying out loud
this damsel though how distress she is
doesn't need to be saved
she just want to go against the reality
just want to dream
for once
just want to be what she's not
just want to compensate for her crime
just want to escape from her guilt
keep finding way for retribution
i hope somehow by doing this
and hurting myself
the regret that i nail to my heart will soon disappear
though I know
to love and to be happy
it just too much for me
because i love myself too much
and i definitely don't deserve to love
i'm so selfish
i'm so proud
i'm so full of hatred
I don't know how to love without hurting
not wanting to stop
demanding others to keep their pace
and when I look back
they have stopped following.
ps: still can't find the suitable title for this....this piece is about me and my attitude
- I remember
I remember
when everything around me seemed colorless
the only sensation that I felt
was the coldness of the wind
swept through my body
I remember
sat in the corner
and tried hard to hold back the tears
though I knew i should let them fall
but i was so scared
that it might never stop running
I remember
The pain that I suffered
the wound that never seems to heal
my heart slashed into pieces
and I
was drowned inside the deafening of my own scream....
when everything around me seemed colorless
the only sensation that I felt
was the coldness of the wind
swept through my body
I remember
sat in the corner
and tried hard to hold back the tears
though I knew i should let them fall
but i was so scared
that it might never stop running
I remember
The pain that I suffered
the wound that never seems to heal
my heart slashed into pieces
and I
was drowned inside the deafening of my own scream....
ps: a tribute for a special person who had passed away...may he R.I.P
- Witnessing me
I see you
eying me from that distance
biding time to see me stumble
I know
One of these days
I might
If that's the way you want it to be
witnessing me
feeling weak
amuse you so bad
you can hardly look somewhere else
why don't you just stab me with a dagger
and watch me bleed
but I know you too well
You won't dirty your hand
with my blood
I'm so below you
I'm not even worth your killing
My misery is nothing more
than just your favorite pass time...
and my agony is your sweet melody...
eying me from that distance
biding time to see me stumble
I know
One of these days
I might
If that's the way you want it to be
witnessing me
feeling weak
amuse you so bad
you can hardly look somewhere else
why don't you just stab me with a dagger
and watch me bleed
but I know you too well
You won't dirty your hand
with my blood
I'm so below you
I'm not even worth your killing
My misery is nothing more
than just your favorite pass time...
and my agony is your sweet melody...
ps: about a love-hate relationship..between old friends..
- Jemu
akukah pesalahmu?
Hingga sanggup kau campak ku ke ceruk dalam?
tidakkah belas kau memandangku
yang terkial-kial mahu keluar dari situ..
Mahu apa lagi dirimu
setelah kau hempas kan aku
remuk sudah tulang temulangku
kerana kepercayaanku
aku anggukkan kepala
aku pekakkan telinga
aku terdiam membiarkan
kau dengan kata-kata mu
Tahukah kau aku ingin sekali bebas dari bayangmu
aku ingin sekali menghirup wanginnya semalam yang telah pergi...
au ingin sekali dipeluk manisnya kenangan silam...
aku ingin keluar dari ceruk ini...
kerana aku sudah benci
aku sudah muak dengan semua mimpi
aku sudah tidak mengharapkan apa-apa lagi...
Hingga sanggup kau campak ku ke ceruk dalam?
tidakkah belas kau memandangku
yang terkial-kial mahu keluar dari situ..
Mahu apa lagi dirimu
setelah kau hempas kan aku
remuk sudah tulang temulangku
kerana kepercayaanku
aku anggukkan kepala
aku pekakkan telinga
aku terdiam membiarkan
kau dengan kata-kata mu
Tahukah kau aku ingin sekali bebas dari bayangmu
aku ingin sekali menghirup wanginnya semalam yang telah pergi...
au ingin sekali dipeluk manisnya kenangan silam...
aku ingin keluar dari ceruk ini...
kerana aku sudah benci
aku sudah muak dengan semua mimpi
aku sudah tidak mengharapkan apa-apa lagi...
ps :an attempt to write in bahasa
- Emotionless..
You are right
I am emotionless
I didn't get hurt when you scream at me
I didn't feel a thing though I am beaten
You are right again
when you say my ego is overpowering me
that I simply push everything away
that I prefer to be alone till the end
you are right through and through
that I don't need you
because I love myself so much
and there is no more space in my life
to share with you..
because you are a guy
then you are always right
no matter how shallow
no matter how rigid
no matter how despicable
your way of thinking is...
You are right
I am emotionless...
I am emotionless
I didn't get hurt when you scream at me
I didn't feel a thing though I am beaten
You are right again
when you say my ego is overpowering me
that I simply push everything away
that I prefer to be alone till the end
you are right through and through
that I don't need you
because I love myself so much
and there is no more space in my life
to share with you..
because you are a guy
then you are always right
no matter how shallow
no matter how rigid
no matter how despicable
your way of thinking is...
You are right
I am emotionless...
ps:it's suppose to be an irony
- Life
in life,
there are always two paths ahead of us,
you can choose 2 b good, or 2 b otherwise,
it's true I'm letting you go, it's true that you dun bother though,
but I need 2 tell u, what i meant to tell you,
thousand times,,,or maybe million times...
you are not the victim of your life,
but you made yourself a victim...and people couldn't care less,
you said you are suffering, i did feel sympathetic,
but i suffered too, i did feel weak,
you are not the only one with the wound,
although our pain isn't d same,
it's too subjective to compare, in the end,
you have to wake up and change,
you have to realize the fairy tale is over,
there is no knight in a shining amour,
those species are long gone...extinct....
i hate it when you keep crying and crying,
as if you cannot live anymore,
don't you know that I do want to die so bad,
so bad that i scream at night,,,
with my mind so full of remorse and regret,
but i still live,
because no matter how painful my life is,
I know,
it won't be as painful as dying.
I'm not expecting anything from you,
I've forgotten about the relationship we used to have,
you are a stranger now,
but seeing the pitiful you made me angry,
make me annoyed,
knowing fully well...
your life should be better than this...
because you have every potential to become somebody
and not just everybody..
and seeing you throwing everything away for some stupid reason,
make me want to slap you so bad,
if it can wake you up and make you sober...
bitch...get a life,
just find your strength back,
so i can no longer look down on you,
so you can held your head up high,
and boast to the world...
that you survived the nightmare,
and say to my face,
get lost...
I don't need your sympathy....
there are always two paths ahead of us,
you can choose 2 b good, or 2 b otherwise,
it's true I'm letting you go, it's true that you dun bother though,
but I need 2 tell u, what i meant to tell you,
thousand times,,,or maybe million times...
you are not the victim of your life,
but you made yourself a victim...and people couldn't care less,
you said you are suffering, i did feel sympathetic,
but i suffered too, i did feel weak,
you are not the only one with the wound,
although our pain isn't d same,
it's too subjective to compare, in the end,
you have to wake up and change,
you have to realize the fairy tale is over,
there is no knight in a shining amour,
those species are long gone...extinct....
i hate it when you keep crying and crying,
as if you cannot live anymore,
don't you know that I do want to die so bad,
so bad that i scream at night,,,
with my mind so full of remorse and regret,
but i still live,
because no matter how painful my life is,
I know,
it won't be as painful as dying.
I'm not expecting anything from you,
I've forgotten about the relationship we used to have,
you are a stranger now,
but seeing the pitiful you made me angry,
make me annoyed,
knowing fully well...
your life should be better than this...
because you have every potential to become somebody
and not just everybody..
and seeing you throwing everything away for some stupid reason,
make me want to slap you so bad,
if it can wake you up and make you sober...
bitch...get a life,
just find your strength back,
so i can no longer look down on you,
so you can held your head up high,
and boast to the world...
that you survived the nightmare,
and say to my face,
get lost...
I don't need your sympathy....
ps:dedicated to a once bff
- Missing
Here in the early morning,
accompanied by the tears of the rain,
the wind of loneliness sweep through my body,
it's invading my brain,
I remember,
that very same morning,
that very heavy rain fall,
You were gone,
and the thought makes me shivering,
feeling there is a hole in my heart,
needing to be filled,
and I really miss you the most,
and this wind reminds me of you,
the very same wind that whispered to me
your last message...
before you left
before you last breath
My tears are falling now,
it never stop running like the rain outside
I hope you rest in peace
I hope you still love me the most...
I hope I can see you in my dream tonight...
accompanied by the tears of the rain,
the wind of loneliness sweep through my body,
it's invading my brain,
I remember,
that very same morning,
that very heavy rain fall,
You were gone,
and the thought makes me shivering,
feeling there is a hole in my heart,
needing to be filled,
and I really miss you the most,
and this wind reminds me of you,
the very same wind that whispered to me
your last message...
before you left
before you last breath
My tears are falling now,
it never stop running like the rain outside
I hope you rest in peace
I hope you still love me the most...
I hope I can see you in my dream tonight...
ps: missing someone so bad
- That bloody Monday
That bloody Monday
when you told me you wanted to leave
I should just let you leave
But the stubborn me never listened
Still forcing my way on you
Suffocating you against your own will
That bloody Monday
If I could be more temperate in my judgment
None of us would face this trauma
If I could listen a bit attentively
And not only thought about me
Maybe we still can be brothers
That bloody Monday
When I lost you
I realized by keeping you beside me
Wasn't the best answer at all
And I'm sorry to make you suffer...
I'm sorry you have to end this
This way....
ps: about brotherhood
when you told me you wanted to leave
I should just let you leave
But the stubborn me never listened
Still forcing my way on you
Suffocating you against your own will
That bloody Monday
If I could be more temperate in my judgment
None of us would face this trauma
If I could listen a bit attentively
And not only thought about me
Maybe we still can be brothers
That bloody Monday
When I lost you
I realized by keeping you beside me
Wasn't the best answer at all
And I'm sorry to make you suffer...
I'm sorry you have to end this
This way....
ps: about brotherhood
- The unspoken words...
I wanted to tell you everything
to pour my heart feelings
it's hurting
and beating on my chest
is really suffocating
i want to voice out
to reach out to you
to make you feel my emptiness
my worries
of the uncertainty
I'm so scared that I want to run
i want to stop thinking
i want to stop breathing
i want to stop dreaming
i want to tell you something
but when you ask me
all the words left me
and.....
i don't know what to tell you..
anymore....
to pour my heart feelings
it's hurting
and beating on my chest
is really suffocating
i want to voice out
to reach out to you
to make you feel my emptiness
my worries
of the uncertainty
I'm so scared that I want to run
i want to stop thinking
i want to stop breathing
i want to stop dreaming
i want to tell you something
but when you ask me
all the words left me
and.....
i don't know what to tell you..
anymore....
ps: about worries
- Loneliness is the feeling......
I'm feeling empty
like there's a hole inside my heart
no matter how much you try to stuff it
it would never suffice
what i want from you the most
is the warm hug that I used to get
and the sweet embrace by your gentle hand....
I want you and nothing else...
and nothing else but you....
ps: longing for a comfort from my love
like there's a hole inside my heart
no matter how much you try to stuff it
it would never suffice
what i want from you the most
is the warm hug that I used to get
and the sweet embrace by your gentle hand....
I want you and nothing else...
and nothing else but you....
ps: longing for a comfort from my love
- I believe
i believe in the system
but not the people
system is objective
but people are subjective
that's why i find fault in human nature
because they are the one who control the system
the only way the system could go wrong is because of them
human divided themselves
each of them has their own sides, their own views
they abuse the system for their own purposes
that's why i don't trust people
so i choose to trust the system
but the system tends to become obsolete
if the people who run it are idiots
so instead of blaming the system...
try blame the people...
and what is wrong in Malaysia is not the system
it is the people
but again
since I myself a people
prone to mistake and mislead
don't trust me
trust the system....
but not the people
system is objective
but people are subjective
that's why i find fault in human nature
because they are the one who control the system
the only way the system could go wrong is because of them
human divided themselves
each of them has their own sides, their own views
they abuse the system for their own purposes
that's why i don't trust people
so i choose to trust the system
but the system tends to become obsolete
if the people who run it are idiots
so instead of blaming the system...
try blame the people...
and what is wrong in Malaysia is not the system
it is the people
but again
since I myself a people
prone to mistake and mislead
don't trust me
trust the system....
ps:about trust issue
