Why do friends stop hanging out with each others?
Well...this issue is quite sensitive to be brought up...a friend once asked me "Why does A doesn't want to hang out with me anymore?" Wow...that's tough....and it's really hard to tell the truth and you often find yourself sugarcoating your words especially if you are the third party...
But sometimes, we have to swallow the bitter pills...if one party cease to hang out with another...just let it be...you might be hurt..you heart will ache...but, things change..somehow, best friends of today might be a stranger of tomorrow..you have to expect that, for some...you are no longer their priority, and your way no longer suit theirs...
Well, for example...if some of my friend find a new religion, a new concept of survival and the way of dealing with their coping mechanism..our old ways won't fit their needs anymore. If you are married with kids, and you go out with the singles, and you spend most time tending to your babies rather than talking to your friends...your friend might lost interest and find you uncool...
Well, recently I was invited to Zouk by some acquaintances..the girls who came with me really know how to drink and enjoyed themselves..they took the dance floor and dance their heart out...and I almost suffocated to death because of the smoke, and I'm thinking to myself, finding reason, making excuses about not to call these youngsters the most stupidest ass I ever met..but, hey...I try not to be judgemental...just let them deal with their shit..
This part is the hardest to handle, I practically have to make my glass of coke full all the time..and giving excuses like I need to drive later..to stop them from pouring anything into my glass...so I took out a PSP and play it while others were so busy dancing to the beat and consuming the whiskey and vodka on the table..yeah, and the girl who invited me drink so much that she vomit so bad later (jeezz...the toilet is even worse than the Mamak's.) While sitting beside some group of Japanese people at the next table. Someone said to me "Wow, you are the first girl I saw playing PSP in the club.." I don't know whether it's a compliment or not, hahaha...as if I care...
and why do I bring this up? because I remember some sugar coated words given to me, when I asked someone "Why did B lie to me?" so, this girl came out with excuses such as "awh..she just want to protect you.." and I was like...wow, protecting me or protecting herself? Is she afraid I'm going to badmouth about her to others...well, yeah...I guess..when the lies keep piling up and she keeps on putting a straight face in front of me. Yeah, i would definitely whine and start talking shit...I don't want to be part of her life, or join her in any event with new friends what so ever...just don't fucking lie..and me badmouthing is just a pinch of the salt to the already made dish...people talk, and if you don't bother to listen to a word of advice...my job is done...but I will still give a shit each time you fucking mess with me..
When I was in Germany, I realized something in me has changed..I actually calculate my steps in everything I do, becoming more secretive and not willing to vomit unnecessary details in my every move..being so secretive about what I do, where I go and with whom. The Germans are very private people, they don't like to publish or give exposure about themselves. Some of them actually say, why would they feel the need to documenting every act of foolishness that will make they frown seeing themselves in that unfavorable situation later. Some stuff should stay private, so I learnt and I realize, although my thinking is still very much childish...it's shown in every aspects of my life anyway, but I slowly learn how to separate personal things with my professional things...after I broke up with my 5th boyfriend, and listened to the long winded lecture about how girls should not put everything too much on the social media because of this and that..I discover the hard way that the consequence is not so nice...
Once, the Canadian friend of mine said this to me "Why you always act like an asshole on the internet, when you are actually a nice girl in person?"...hahaha..FB really brings out the bitch in me...but, seriously if someone doesn't bother to know the real you, doesn't even make an effort to hang out with you...why bother trying to be liked. I'm not in a beauty pageant competition or some reality TV show for the most loved person on Earth..I really don't care about not being liked. I would rather people hang out with me despites my assholery and oddity rather than put on a mask, and fit in with people who doesn't even care and look at me like I suffer from a severe mental illness.
Well, Fb mirrors me as some kind of bimbo, asshole, sharp tongue, selfish, always thinks she knows everything, smart ass type of girl...which to some is considered as a very high level of annoying...I guess, FB really amplifies this ugly side of me...so I decided to slow down on my personal stuff in order not to muddy my already scratched reputation...make it so family friendly so that when my mom decided to take a peek, she won't find any sign of obscenity..so as years go by, I becoming aware of certain things I was stupid to understand when I was young and foolish...
Well, I seen and heard some ugly responses from people or strangers judging others especially on FB, that I did not even want to open my mouth to repeat it...coz, I realize..people do talk behind my back too...a lot...so, I don't want to care shit about what other people say about others...it's the least of my priority..and when my friends talked behind my back, I have to admit that I'm full of flaws...so they have a right to voice it out, discuss about me and my flaws...coz I do that from time to time with others too...So i tell to myself, no more pics I don't want my future children to discover, and use it against me when I want to teach them about prudence or self respect. No more pics, if one day I happen to be the people of power, that people can use to blackmail me, no more pics, that will make people focus more on my lack of moral virtue rather than my ability to get a job done..no more pics, that will make people comment about my fat ugly body...so that's it..
People says, true friends will have each other's back, tell others when they do wrong and bla bla bla...well I guess not, friends who knows you so much are your worst enemy, you hate them the most, especially when they come out with some sort of unwanted advice, or showing the face "I told you so" when you get screwed up...you would rather hang out with friends who encourage your foolish behaviour because that friend understands you the most..we are designed to be selfish..we make our own moral compass and we break it..and we don't want people to judge because we know ourselves better than anybody..and when we do something stupid, we believe we can handle it, we have everything under control and we are definitely not as stupid as any other stupid people who do the same stupid shit...No shit that we are that narcissistic that some people do get annoyed and they secretly wish our bubble burst or the cloud become the rain soon enough...
One friend told me that "I don't want to hang out with C because C is arrogant and always want to win" and deep inside, I say, hey I'm arrogant too...and tactless...one day you might not hang out with me too, if I push your button often enough..
Another friend scolded me "Why you still hang out with them? They gossip a lot...and their mouth travels everywhere..." and deep inside I say, well yeah...I'm not so innocent either..and they do have some positive characters...
So, hang out with friends is not easy...people change...priorities change..one might like a quiet birthday celebration in a restaurant this year, and decided to hang out with the cool crowd and go alcohol binge the next year...so just don't put so much expectation and get hurt when people don't want to hang out with you..just find new friends...people whom you are comfortable with at the moment and stick with them..and when the connection is not so strong anymore...learn where the exit door is..and don't be so quick to pry in your friend personal matters especially when they being respectful enough not to bother with yours...speak only when you are spoken to...
BTW...after all the experience and experiments with some legal, partially legal and illegal stuffs...I realize...I'm really a tight assed person whose definition of fun consist of a very nerdy stuff inexplicable to the mind of the mainstream...I guess in the end, a rebel without a cause have to admit that she is a total lame ass nerd...but i'm okay with it....
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Muslims? Assholes?
I think we should refrain ourselves from talking about religion so much...it just happen Muslims are the majority in Malaysia and Islam is the official religion...people like to be associated with religion to show that they are the cultured/ more refined people...and sometimes to prove their point..people go to the extend to do some kind of the so called self-righteous act to prove that they are better than the mass....this hypocrisy doesn't only apply to Islam but to other religion too..and some agnostics also from time to time try to make a point that they are better than the people with religion...they debate,they ridicule, they take great pleasure of the fact that they don't talk like the mass, they don't think like the mass and they feel it's a moral obligation to educate the mass.
The bigotry is not exclusively held by the Muslims..for religious people we call it bigotry, for the non-religious we called it plain ass-holery...the least thing we can do to deal with this issue is to stop talking about it.I for myself not really a pious girl...but there are things called invisible line that should not be crossed..
I had the most torturous time living under the same roof with the extremes..and now having the urge to spit them when they suddenly become so buddy buddy with another extremes from a different group..when I know fully well it's just superficial..my point is..things always come in layers..one cannot just assume and conclude just by consuming what's fed to you...just seeing the tip of the iceberg is not enough...our knowledge is superficial and there are lots of things need to be clarified..one focus too much on the simple logic that they fail to see the bigger picture..if it's so easy to change the mentality..to break the taboo...things would changed a long time ago...apparently, it's not...asking rhetorical questions such as Can Muslims Think won't help changing anything...I'm aware about the draconian law..I'm aware that being born a Malay, I am automatically be a Muslim..but I'm not the one who spent years learning the subject about Islamisation...my knowledge about islam is superficial too that I can't actually argue..because hypothetically I will lose the battle before it even started...
I have 3 non Muslims blonde and blue eyes lecturers who studied the Islamisation for their doctorate, they can argue about Islam more than I can argue about it myself, when I enter the office of my agnostic Indian boss...there are collections of books about Islam and other religions occupying most of his bookshelves...he knows so much about stuff that I actually have no idea myself..
Do these person read and studied about Islam so that they can belittle it? No...they do that because they want to understand. When they understand...they become respectful...One can talk about Islam like they know everything...even the non-muslim now start to say "that's not islam...this is not islam...bla..bla..bla...but one fail to understand..the most religious and pious people have no concern debating about their religion..people who claim to be religious and to be righteous did..Islam is universal..but islam in Malaysia is intertwine by tradition that has been uphold since long long time ago...I hated the idea that I can't touch the dogs although it's an open secret that people know that I snuggle with the dogs like most of the time...it's my freedom to touch them and to play with them...and I took pictures of them...displaying their pic in my fb pic although mostly it resulted with my mom screaming out of her lungs about WTF am I doing and now all my aunts are talking about it..and surely no Malay guy want to marry me now...bla bla bla...but certain line shouldn't be crossed..not because you are scared of being judged...but as a form of respect..as a form not to be an asshole...
People are too sensitive by nature, and sometimes when they are too sensitive they become so quick to judge, to be angry and to be mad..knowing fully aware of this...I don't get it why some find that it is necessary to push the button so much and so often...It just like playing the game who can be ruder? who can be a better troller? who can start a new civil war?
Can Muslims think? Of course they can think...but does that mean everyone of them has to give their view on every thing? Do they even need to tell others about what they really think? The muslims in Malaysia is already divided because of many stupid things..do they need to be divided again because of another stupid things like dog bathing, or just because some girls can't be a beauty queen...or because some rude kids think that it's cute to play with food..We had enough of stupid Muslim on the plate...who crush the cow head as a sign of protest for the temple building, who threaten to burn the Bible which has Allah's name written on it...now we have to deal with another stupidity from the outside...
Why doesn't Christian, Buddha, Hindu or any animistic follower doesn't get enough coverage or controversy regarding their religion? It's simply because their religion is the minority and not stated in as the official religion in the constitution....If Malaysia by any chance, has the fire-worshipping religion as our official religion..I can assure you...there still be people who butt-hurt easily, and others who make fun or the fire-worshipping religion just for the fun of it...or some so called true to cause individual who wants to educate people about how fire can burn the whole house down..
Religion is flawed because human is flawed...even psychopath is born with religion, but when he murder people..would people associate his action with his religion or with the state of his mind..so we just stop talking about religion...stop questioning them to the wrong crowd..and just stop paying attention...assuming that religion is an armor to protect you...just remember what captain america said to iron man "Big man in a suit of armor, take that off and what are you?"
It doesn't take religion to be an asshole...it just take you...
The bigotry is not exclusively held by the Muslims..for religious people we call it bigotry, for the non-religious we called it plain ass-holery...the least thing we can do to deal with this issue is to stop talking about it.I for myself not really a pious girl...but there are things called invisible line that should not be crossed..
I had the most torturous time living under the same roof with the extremes..and now having the urge to spit them when they suddenly become so buddy buddy with another extremes from a different group..when I know fully well it's just superficial..my point is..things always come in layers..one cannot just assume and conclude just by consuming what's fed to you...just seeing the tip of the iceberg is not enough...our knowledge is superficial and there are lots of things need to be clarified..one focus too much on the simple logic that they fail to see the bigger picture..if it's so easy to change the mentality..to break the taboo...things would changed a long time ago...apparently, it's not...asking rhetorical questions such as Can Muslims Think won't help changing anything...I'm aware about the draconian law..I'm aware that being born a Malay, I am automatically be a Muslim..but I'm not the one who spent years learning the subject about Islamisation...my knowledge about islam is superficial too that I can't actually argue..because hypothetically I will lose the battle before it even started...
I have 3 non Muslims blonde and blue eyes lecturers who studied the Islamisation for their doctorate, they can argue about Islam more than I can argue about it myself, when I enter the office of my agnostic Indian boss...there are collections of books about Islam and other religions occupying most of his bookshelves...he knows so much about stuff that I actually have no idea myself..
Do these person read and studied about Islam so that they can belittle it? No...they do that because they want to understand. When they understand...they become respectful...One can talk about Islam like they know everything...even the non-muslim now start to say "that's not islam...this is not islam...bla..bla..bla...but one fail to understand..the most religious and pious people have no concern debating about their religion..people who claim to be religious and to be righteous did..Islam is universal..but islam in Malaysia is intertwine by tradition that has been uphold since long long time ago...I hated the idea that I can't touch the dogs although it's an open secret that people know that I snuggle with the dogs like most of the time...it's my freedom to touch them and to play with them...and I took pictures of them...displaying their pic in my fb pic although mostly it resulted with my mom screaming out of her lungs about WTF am I doing and now all my aunts are talking about it..and surely no Malay guy want to marry me now...bla bla bla...but certain line shouldn't be crossed..not because you are scared of being judged...but as a form of respect..as a form not to be an asshole...
People are too sensitive by nature, and sometimes when they are too sensitive they become so quick to judge, to be angry and to be mad..knowing fully aware of this...I don't get it why some find that it is necessary to push the button so much and so often...It just like playing the game who can be ruder? who can be a better troller? who can start a new civil war?
Can Muslims think? Of course they can think...but does that mean everyone of them has to give their view on every thing? Do they even need to tell others about what they really think? The muslims in Malaysia is already divided because of many stupid things..do they need to be divided again because of another stupid things like dog bathing, or just because some girls can't be a beauty queen...or because some rude kids think that it's cute to play with food..We had enough of stupid Muslim on the plate...who crush the cow head as a sign of protest for the temple building, who threaten to burn the Bible which has Allah's name written on it...now we have to deal with another stupidity from the outside...
Why doesn't Christian, Buddha, Hindu or any animistic follower doesn't get enough coverage or controversy regarding their religion? It's simply because their religion is the minority and not stated in as the official religion in the constitution....If Malaysia by any chance, has the fire-worshipping religion as our official religion..I can assure you...there still be people who butt-hurt easily, and others who make fun or the fire-worshipping religion just for the fun of it...or some so called true to cause individual who wants to educate people about how fire can burn the whole house down..
Religion is flawed because human is flawed...even psychopath is born with religion, but when he murder people..would people associate his action with his religion or with the state of his mind..so we just stop talking about religion...stop questioning them to the wrong crowd..and just stop paying attention...assuming that religion is an armor to protect you...just remember what captain america said to iron man "Big man in a suit of armor, take that off and what are you?"
It doesn't take religion to be an asshole...it just take you...
Monday, August 5, 2013
My Drama as hari raya nearing....
Only today I realize when talking to my mom about how few our relatives are..if we visit them all...it only takes one day to make a round..somehow I miss my grandma...she died during the fasting month back in 2009 because of cancer..I remember crying every time I feel so tired taking care of her..taking turn with my mom and my aunt..I got the night, my aunt got the day and my mom got the weekend. for months, I drove to the hospital at the evening and came back early in the morning...My car all covered with the bird poo and it caused me to cry again..every time I came late, and it's time for her to change the diaper..she would start scolding me, and I cried again..in time like that, it reminds me of my friend who has to go through the same situation for a long period of time..and she get through it just fine..deep inside I wish I could be as strong as her..still admire her for that..for the hardship she had to go through..things always work out for her in the end...Looking back, I'm glad i took care of my grandma during her time of sickness...sometimes I think for everything I received today, I owe it to her bless..Well, me and mom always fight...and I always have doubt if something were to happen, would I be able to care for her...like she cared for me when I was hospitalized for whatever reasons..It kinda give her a headache though..huhu..Well, I just want to be healthy again..so that she wouldn't have to worry so much that she has to spend another hour in the hospital taking care of me or facing the possibility that I would die before her...LOL...I'm so drama queen...
Well, sigh.....it's kinda hurt to say this without butthurting people's feeling...but I don't really feel the same enthusiasm when it comes to Raya...I don't even know if I have a baju raya for this year...(lol...usually my mom would prepare me one)...but I do not see anything hanging on my clothes shelf yet...lol...and I don't want to ask coz when you are 28, it's sounds so ridiculous to ask for a baju raya from my mom...but whatever, I have enough stock of baju kurung...and it's just one day celebration in which i would spent most of the time watching tv..and eat the stuffed rice and chicken curry in front the TV...kinda wish i could eat groundnut sauce though...or some lemang with beef rendang...yeah I better buy them later...it's kind of funny to think, that one of my foreigner friends ask me if I could bring him some raya dishes...and I was like, hahaha...well, I could try to buy them later and he asked...your mom doesn't make those things meh? it makes me laugh...Well, in my mom's defense...she's a good cook...but what's the point of cooking too much..when nobody will eat them...I guess, we are the family who prefer to eat out together rather than to dine home together...we dine home eating normal every day food...for something fancy and intricate..no need to go to such hassle...just TAPAU...
Well, if I happen to live alone again, i would have to start cooking my own food then...I love making desert, fruit salad, fruit juice...anything sweet anything fruity...damn...I want to buy a juicer, a microwave, an oven, a rice cooker, a Tefal pan, a Wok, a pot....a toaster....whatever...I still don't like cooking though..but I want to try....
Dang I'm impressed at my ability to digress from the real topic...
Well, sigh.....it's kinda hurt to say this without butthurting people's feeling...but I don't really feel the same enthusiasm when it comes to Raya...I don't even know if I have a baju raya for this year...(lol...usually my mom would prepare me one)...but I do not see anything hanging on my clothes shelf yet...lol...and I don't want to ask coz when you are 28, it's sounds so ridiculous to ask for a baju raya from my mom...but whatever, I have enough stock of baju kurung...and it's just one day celebration in which i would spent most of the time watching tv..and eat the stuffed rice and chicken curry in front the TV...kinda wish i could eat groundnut sauce though...or some lemang with beef rendang...yeah I better buy them later...it's kind of funny to think, that one of my foreigner friends ask me if I could bring him some raya dishes...and I was like, hahaha...well, I could try to buy them later and he asked...your mom doesn't make those things meh? it makes me laugh...Well, in my mom's defense...she's a good cook...but what's the point of cooking too much..when nobody will eat them...I guess, we are the family who prefer to eat out together rather than to dine home together...we dine home eating normal every day food...for something fancy and intricate..no need to go to such hassle...just TAPAU...
Well, if I happen to live alone again, i would have to start cooking my own food then...I love making desert, fruit salad, fruit juice...anything sweet anything fruity...damn...I want to buy a juicer, a microwave, an oven, a rice cooker, a Tefal pan, a Wok, a pot....a toaster....whatever...I still don't like cooking though..but I want to try....
Dang I'm impressed at my ability to digress from the real topic...
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