My dirty little secret......

Well, this is my dirty little secret..I always wanted to be part of PEMANDU team since its inception 4 years ago..one of my dear friends was able to join the team and I was so freaking jealous with him..he's only 2 years older than me back then, and he was fast-tracked from the university straight to the office..he's the one who inspires me to be seriously indulging policy making field..but my brain ability is not as good for thinking and i don't come from the elite background to leverage me to go up as fast as his pace...sometimes i wish i could be as good as he is...From time to time i will compare the list of my own achievements with his and i feel so small
I make a promise to myself..that one day i will be able to look at him without having to feel the jealousy swelling up in me...he has it all..perfect life, perfect job, perfect background, pretty wife, cute pair of children, pleasant attitude..and I'm not surprise in 5 years to come, he will be nominated as one of the YB nominee considering how good he is....and I feel ugly loathing at how perfect his life is and how mine sucks..but I always believe, if I work hard enough..things will change...I want to be able to stand tall, to not being inferior, to be equally good and to do something that make myself proud..I'm not greedy to change the world or this country...I just want to change ME...i'm tired of feeling insecure and inferior or feeling I'm not good enough...
I'm aware that people would say that I'm lucky...I may get certain things easy...but I too suffer from bad things...I compensate...I try not to be too greedy coz I don't want to be frustrated later when things don't go my way...I kinda hope I'm a positive person...and really want to be one..guess I have to work harder and stop complaining so much...and I should use my brain more....