This will be the last week I'm in Germany...well...since I was here...I only manage to have one post that has nothing to do with living in Germany...
So, now that I'm not so busy coz I've finished my internship..I would like to post something about my experience here...
I'm having a great time, I gain my self confidence back (something that is deprived of me when I was in Malaysia) I travel a lot within these two months...and even some of the Germans and Malaysian friends who have been in Germany for a longer time than me said "Damn Amy, even I never been to that place yet..."
Do I gain friends here...YES.. how do I know them? Some I know from the couch surfing sites, some from the contact I got from the officers at MATRADE, some from the trade fair, some from the people I know from Gelegenheit or the people that I'm sharing the train ride with..there are mixture of males and females...
They show me around and ask me to hang out with them when they don't have a class, just finish their work, or simply ask me to travel with them....do I trust them 100%? No...but I was taught since the early age, that God will protect me, if I rely on God for protection...
I've met some bad fruits, some guys openly ask me to share the bed with them which I refuse...some are hot as hell...but I do remember that they just want to get between my legs because I'm something exotic for them...the fun will be over once they get what they want...but I also gain number of friends whom are honest, doing a good job protecting me and very respectful...after all, it's all depends on the type of crowd you are joining...I do hang out with them at the bar, while they are drinking a beer and vodka...I drink lemonade or cola...we talk about lots of stuff...they asked " Is the reason you don't consume a liquor because you area Muslim?" which I reply politely.."It's my personal choice..I like to be in control all the time, and liquor would cloud my judgement.." nodding politely, and they will reply "I've met many Muslim women who drinks liquor like water.." which I replied "I'm not so uptight because I'm a Muslim...but that's who I am...I like to be in control because I freak out easily when I'm not in a position of control..it's a habit that is difficult to get rid of...if I were born in any other religion, my view about life is still the same...i still don't consume alcohol...or if I happen to be brought up in the culture that consume liquor as parts of their daily life..I still won't enjoy drinking very much..." they will ask question "but if you never try, you never know how much you like them..?" to this question I answer "I'm not so innocent goody two shoe type of girl who see the different world from afar and judge...I do have experience testing and sampling some of the liquids...and I'm not fond of what it feels to my tongue, my throat and my stomach...I'm quite practical about things that I consume..although sometimes I eat a lot of junks food...but junk food take a longer side effect than booze or drugs...and I don't think I'm capable of controlling myself when I'm drunk..plus I don't want to be an idiot for whatever things I would do later...and regretting it when I woke up in the morning.."
Well, I don't expect number of them will be my friends in the long run due to my uptight self or innocence...but they do stay, when we are not hanging out at the bar, we walk at the park, have barbecues, they let me crash their couches and very respectful about boundaries..and so far they kind of accepting about keeping things platonic. Sometimes we exchange stories and views about relationship...they said they do get lonely, they need someone to talk to, someone who just willing to listen...some people chose to have NSA relationship in order to fill the hole inside their heart but not all man thinking about it all the time...men are vulnerable too..like woman, they are afraid of being abandoned and jilted...that's why they act like a pig most of the times....
So I ask question from time to time, will they simply sleep with any woman? most answer "If the girl wanted to...there's always a sign..we can read the body language, although man can be stupid when it comes to reading woman...but when sex involve...they are quick to decipher the code...well, if you meet a girl for the first time or twice, and their bodies are leaning towards you most of the time, touching you here and there. Wearing a revealing clothes and allow you to ogle their cleavages...don't tell me that they just want to have coffee.." hahaha..this reminds me of my friend...she wrote in her book, I don't remember her exact quote..but I get the gist...one of the quickest way for the guy to decide if the girl is fuckable is by using this method.. the guy will try to feed the girl with food...any food will do, if the girl is willing to open their mouth in order to be fed by the guy....then BAMM...the guy will get the signal that the girl is willing to open their mouth for things other than food too..So girls, if he's not your boyfriend, or you just met...pick the food with your own hands, or chopstick, or spoon politely from them...and shove the food down your throat by yourself in order not to send the wrong signal...
Sometimes I have a talk with my landlady...she's a Malay woman who have been in Germany nearly 30 years...she moved here from Malaysia after getting her SPM result at the age of 17,married a German guy at the age of 28...change her citizenship to German and now working at MATRADE...she practically more German than Malaysian anyway...she lives in German longer than she lives in Malaysia...she had some crazy days in the past...she once young and when you are alone...lots of things can happen..but she always keep in mind that..I bring with me my parents reputation...what I am is the image of education they've given me..although they are not here, although I think I'm a grownup who can take care of my own affair...but if something happen...it's towards them that I have to turn to...I am who I am...and no matter where I go...that's the way I will bring myself...
I smirk a little thinking that...some of my friends that without even have to go to foreign land, they already embracing the foreign culture in their very own land..sometimes act more foreign than the foreigner themselves....talking about culture shock...
I share stories about my experience going to the spa with my landlady and with my two Malaysian friends...one who also has the experience going and liking it so much (duhhh....guys...) and one who never been there yet...and I feel like a child when most people laugh at me in Germany due to my awkwardness...not going to elaborate on that.....and my landlady proudly said "You are a grown up now...here is my present to you" she placed a kain batik sarong for me to wear in the sauna on my lap....one reason is because I could pass out wearing a bath robe in a sauna...and second is to remind me that, I can still bring my Malayness even in the German sauna room...
Do I get to know someone special here? YES....but I'm not going to publicize what's going on, because after 5 failed relationship...I learn to be careful not to be open about it and not to share it with the public...but all i can say...after number of times hanging out...he's respectful enough not to ask me to drink with him and made sure to order lemonade or Ingwer (ginger) beer for me,he doesn't smoke or he never try to ask me to be in bed with him (perhaps he's gay hahaha..my friend seems to think so) I dare not venture the path of inquiring him about that coz I don't want to ruin the innocence feeling that I have about him and although I 'm not the most pious girl on the planet I would like to keep my virginity intact for my future husband...(yeah, you can smirk too..I allow it)...and sometimes he accompanies me to take a look around, ,to hang out at the parks,, sometimes visiting church...(he's an avid fan of church tourism) and proudly claim that he has been to more than 500 churches (if i'm not mistaken) all over the world...OK, for this part...I feel shameful with myself...well, considering that I'm not an avid fan of mosque tourism...i do feel inadequate...be not afraid, he's not into some cult or anything, he just love the architecture and the norms of different churches...which I have to admit...most of the buildings are very beautiful...He is still studying, and the future is still far ahead...and I still have my own life to lead....he gives me a confidence to get me back to where I used to...and I'm thankful for him....I don't want to be greedy and expecting more considering I'll be going back to Malaysia anyway...but we promise to keep in contact...i just leave things at the hands of GOD...
So over all, I've grown up a bit and I'm becoming less rigid, more trusting towards people...and I gain my self-confidence..some of friends I knew here actually said "Amy, you blend in perfectly...you are in every aspect a German..from the tight assed attitude, sharp remarks and the face that clearly disapprove of anything that doesn't go with your standard...." and some give remarks "You have the vulnerable look that people feel obliged to protect until you open your mouth and say something....it drives an arrow to people's heart..make people want to hug you and choke you at the same time"
My high school friend who has been here for more than 4 years and now residing in London told me that he feel a strange calmness in Germany...every time the plane touches the ground he can't help but smiling by himself...he will go back to Malaysia for good after a year in London...and he said, some part of him stays in Germany...life is hard, and you get to be very lonely but you learn to adapt, people are not too keen to look at you differently, they don't judge, and although you are alone in the crowd and got lost...there are always people who reach out their hands for you..you just have to be trustful and accept the good...and the working environment, the labor law...are superbly amazing...except for the 46% income tax and 19% VAT.which I think is fair because the locals and the expats are treated the same and paid the same..people keep asking me "how much the pay the expats get in Malaysia?" and I will tell them "more than what the local would dream of getting." Malaysia is the heaven for the expats...high pay, low income tax, accommodation benefits, transport benefits...so if you are a foreigner..and want to have the taste of Malaysia...be an expat..we are always accepting...just don't be a typical expats who spent most of their time hanging out at the bukit bintang or hartamas area...allow yourself to be bitten my mosquitoes, travel the wild, taste some belacan and experience what diarrhea feels like when you eat the street food, and feel the ultimate dizziness when you take the bus or the train with air-condition as cold as the Antarctica...when the temp. outside is close to 40 degrees....other than that....life's awesome....
Do I change? I don't know...I do feel changed...but I'm not a good judge of my own character...I let you be the judge of that....
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