As we stepped into the adulthood ville, no matter how much we want things to stay the same...it will surely left you devastated..friends whom you thought would have stood by you so long, who would never turn you away...changed their color until you could never recognize them anymore. The environment that blanketed you so warmly and cushioned your step with cotton candy had changed into an alien surrounding that make you heart beat turn faster and faster and you start tip toeing cautiously for the fear of stepping on the hidden booby trap. You are stuck and unhappy.
Most of us feel the same way, and sometimes we just don't know how to escape from it. Everyone is facing the same problem. Some choose to find escapism, some choose to get lost in the maze to the point of no return and few take efforts to find themselves. As for me, I still in the process of finding myself, though things have not really improved the way I want it to be, but I guess I'm doing just fine.
I see some of my boat partner ending up getting sea sick from the journey while some drown themselves in. I'm not in the position to judge coz i've been dealing with the same problem. But since, we know that this boat is taking us to somewhere we never know, I choose to be less of a drama queen (although sometimes I did "soap operaing" things) and try to work things out.
Life sucks!! Admit it. Life sucks when you are forced to move away from home, living in the social circle which is not your social circle, fitting in so as not to be isolated, pointing your head permanently towards the earth, plastering your face with the smile as a mask, buying things you don't need so as not to hurt someone's feeling,deafened your eyes and tied your tongue and pretend to be ignorant just to be liked by others...it is shitty...but that's life...that's what we've been through.
When i had a boyfriend, I always managed to find time to sulk and complaining and complaining until he got tired of hearing, it might be hard to admit. But I know i had it coming when we broke up.I forgot that he has his own problem to deal with and why should he care about what i've been through??? He's not the one who ask me to move 100miles from my home, he's not the one who ask me to work, it's not his fault i can't fit in,it's not his fault if I've been bullied, he has his own life to live, why should he be burdened with something that's not his doing at the first place and why should he listen?? It's dawn onto me, that my life is for me to deal with. Everybody is unhappy, why bother them.
If you miss your friend, find them. Drive miles away if you really care, don't just wait for them to knock on your door.And when they decide to knock your neighbor's door you start complaining about how nearby you are and your friend don't even take effort to knock.In friendship, it takes a lot of effort to glue it together. Coz friends always come last, When you are happy with your husband or your boyfriend..you don't bother to share your happy moment with you friends, but when you arguing with you hunny bunny, then you sought for your friend's attention. And when they fail to give the attention you need the most, you sulk and said they don't care...when you don't even care to say hi and actually care to know whether your friend is happy or sad or in a good shape or grieving with broken relationship.And you start comparing your life like you are the only victim in the universe.
If you are so unhappy with your life, find time for yourself. Stop saying shitty things about how lucky this or that fella is. coz the difference between people who get what they want and don't get what they want is they taking the effort to make it possible. I find my escapism in doing something I like that does not bother other people. I read the comics, I play games, I travel wherever I want, I do all these to make me happy. So stop saying "it is good for you to be free as a bird unlike me", "it is good when you have no commitment unlike me", "it is good you don't have any responsibility unlike me", "it is good you have money for yourself unlike me". Because I took effort in doing these things. Driving miles away is not fun, it's tiring. But I choose to do it because it makes me happy.Travelling cost a lot of money, but I choose to do it not because I have plenty of money to spend but because doing it makes me happy.If being by your significant other makes you happy, why should you compare your life with mine??? and said how lucky I am to be free when you have a commitment to fulfill. I didn't ask you to get hitched at the first place. and maybe, i would be dying to be in your place. But I couldn't, so I choose to do what i know to do.
I tried not to be jealous with other people's life and be grateful, and it's really hard especially at night when i return to the home with no one beside my own shadow.Switching the television on the whole night to kill the deafening silence that invading every corner of the house.keep my hand phone in power-less mode as often to kill the urge to call someone at the middle of the night. Trying hard to make a sense of everything. It's not easy. But I try not to blame somebody or God for my misfit. I'm trying so why don't you try with me???
