am I too old for a romance....

I'm not a person who believe in love at the first sight...and after series of failing relationship...it makes me getting angrier and angrier with man...but when watching romantic drama series...deep inside my heart...i still think that there is a hope...

I have a difficult personality...the truth is..I do think that I'm not in love with the boys i had relationship with before...I do love them..I do share the same things in common with them, i do get along with them...but I'm not strong enough with them...I can't imagine living my life with them..I always finding ways to run or pushing them away in the end...deep inside my heart I knew...it will never work...I just knew it....

God knows I never cheat...it's true..i ever like someone else when I'm with a relationship with someone else..but I do not cheat....hence being cheated several times drive me to the wall...I'm no angel...but If you can't accept me the way I am...why start it? Why gives me hopes,showering me with empty promises....when it's all end up like a piece of useless junk....n in the end you chose someone else...someone else who better than me...do you have any idea how it affects my self-confidence??

It's hurt so bad that it creates a hollow in my heart...I don't know why it hurt so much...but the fact that you choose someone else over me is hurting me. Love has nothing to do with it. it is the fact that i've been abandoned that smothering me.I'm not good at dealing with rejection. So when I open my heart just to fail..it's really drives a blow to my face. I feel like a sore loser...being dumped by a loser...that's the worst...then how can i look at man without being skeptical...I becoming more n more like sylvia plath everyday...

And I think about my teenage life,about the way i handle romance...i chose to run away, to dilly dally, to amuse myself with affection then jump out of it...I always end up dating the other guy when the guy that I like is other person...I don't know why i do what i do...but it just me...maybe deep inside I'm addicted to pain of losing more than anything....

I have no expectation anymore...secretly I wish i don't have to be bothered by this anymore...but I'm still a girl...n I have feeling...n the emptiness inside me...needed to be filled...I just wish i could function normally like other people...coz even having a conversation with a man freaking me out lately....