act my age...

Act my age...easier said than done...huh??? How does 27 year old female act her age?? do we have a guideline for that? some says age just numbers and some says the older you are, the wiser you get...and the more mature you have become...Can someone enlighten me in what form does maturity takes place... If maturity conveys the meaning of don't be too quick with your words or don't speak without good foundation of reasoning....then...I'm sure I fall behind in the arena...coz for fuck sake....I always speak my mind....It often crappy but sometimes it rings...Hell I'm not perfect...I'm a screw up...but aren't we all?
If we look at our image in the mirror...and reflect all the embarrassing things we've done, all the mistakes we made...I'm sure if there is a way to turn back time...we would do anything to reverse our wrongdoing.... But by undoing all those stuff...would it be able to change the way we are...can nature be changed so easily? Aren't we genetically born with it?? Isn't life a cycle?..one day we are doing the judging and the next, it's our turn to be judged....
Deep inside we know...day by day...something inside us has changed...though on the surface everything looks the same...but inside the flesh we own...our souls either hardened or softened from the exposure of variations of emotions or incidents that revolving our life...people's predicaments have no certain characteristics that fit every individual...If we are unable to read each other's mind...what gives the idea that we could make people abide by the same rule as us..
I am 27 and single, that's the fact.....most women my age in Malaysia are married and some even have babies.... am I expected to act like them? I was born a Malay, and most of the Malay women in Malaysia are conditioned to play their role as the tradition has laid upon them... so if i choose to refuse the role... does it make me any less Malay? I'm not questioning the way things are going...I'm just questioning my freedom not to follow things that I'm taught to obey just because I was born in it...If I'm fine with the way things are...why should people judge and make fun of it...
If I'm a bitch and it makes man sick of it...what should I do? bending myself and be a hypocrite hoping to be amiable enough so that I could have a ring on my finger? I might be stupid...but I see things...when it comes to relationship with men and women, oftentimes it ended up ugly and I don't like it...I'm too strong willed to back down, to humble my head just to make things work..I once compromised...twice or maybe thrice.... but compromise doesn't get me anywhere...If my weaknesses or my ugliness is too much for others to handle...why should I try and stay? Why should I beg? I used to be scared to be alone, unloved...but as I grow..I begin to accept the way things are...I'm fine being alone...I might get tired...I might cry...heck...I even fell down the stairs at the middle of the night with a fractured wrist, a bruised back and a bump at my head....and no one is there to help me get up.... I'm fine with curling up in bed alone withholding the pain....and swallowed the pills so that I can sleep through it...I'm used to waking up with a head ache and burning body and stay in the shower and lost track of time letting the water running through every part of my body to let it cool...I'm fine being in the operation theater without someone holding my hand...I've been through my tough time and deal with it alone...it changed the way I look at things... it taught me to do things on my own and stop depending on other people to work things out for me....coz I simply don't have that privilege... so it really doesn't matter to me...perhaps now I live with my mom...but if the time comes for me to be out there on my own again...I will survive it....like any other person before me....because that's what life is all about....
For you, I might be stupid, I might be immature..I'm a spoilt rotten kid who refuse to grow up....you can judge me...but you don't have a right to say...I am this way because I don't act my age....