Hanging out..

Why do friends stop hanging out with each others?

Well...this issue is quite sensitive to be brought up...a friend once asked me "Why does A doesn't want to hang out with me anymore?" Wow...that's tough....and it's really hard to tell the truth and you often find yourself sugarcoating your words especially if you are the third party...

But sometimes, we have to swallow the bitter pills...if one party cease to hang out with another...just let it be...you might be hurt..you heart will ache...but, things change..somehow, best friends of today might be a stranger of tomorrow..you have to expect that, for some...you are no longer their priority, and your way no longer suit theirs...

Well, for example...if some of my friend find a new religion, a new concept of survival and the way of dealing with their coping mechanism..our old ways won't fit their needs anymore. If you are married with kids, and you go out with the singles, and you spend most time tending to your babies rather than talking to your friends...your friend might lost interest and find you uncool...

Well, recently I was invited to Zouk by some acquaintances..the girls who came with me really know how to drink and enjoyed themselves..they took the dance floor and dance their heart out...and I almost suffocated to death because of the smoke, and I'm thinking to myself, finding reason, making excuses about not to call these youngsters the most stupidest ass I ever met..but, hey...I try not to be judgemental...just let them deal with their shit..

This part is the hardest to handle, I practically have to make my glass of coke full all the time..and giving excuses like I need to drive later..to stop them from pouring anything into my glass...so I took out a PSP and play it while others were so busy dancing to the beat and consuming the whiskey and vodka on the table..yeah, and the girl who invited me drink so much that she vomit so bad later (jeezz...the toilet is even worse than the Mamak's.) While sitting beside some group of Japanese people at the next table. Someone said to me "Wow, you are the first girl I saw playing PSP in the club.." I don't know whether it's a compliment or not, hahaha...as if I care...

and why do I bring this up? because I remember some sugar coated words given to me, when I asked someone "Why did B lie to me?" so, this girl came out with excuses such as "awh..she just want to protect you.." and I was like...wow, protecting me or protecting herself? Is she afraid I'm going to badmouth about her to others...well, yeah...I guess..when the lies keep piling up and she keeps on putting a straight face in front of me. Yeah, i would definitely whine and start talking shit...I don't want to be part of her life, or join her in any event with new friends what so ever...just don't fucking lie..and me badmouthing is just a pinch of the salt to the already made dish...people talk, and if you don't bother to listen to a word of advice...my job is done...but I will still give a shit each time you fucking mess with me..

When I was in Germany, I realized something in me has changed..I actually calculate my steps in everything I do, becoming more secretive and not willing to vomit unnecessary details in my every move..being so secretive about what I do, where I go and with whom. The Germans are very private people, they don't like to publish or give exposure about themselves. Some of them actually say, why would they feel the need to documenting every act of foolishness that will make they frown seeing themselves in that unfavorable situation later. Some stuff should stay private, so I learnt and I realize, although my thinking is still very much childish...it's shown in every aspects of my life anyway, but I slowly learn how to separate personal things with my professional things...after I broke up with my 5th boyfriend, and listened to the long winded lecture about how girls should not put everything too much on the social media because of this and that..I discover the hard way that the consequence is not so nice...

Once, the Canadian friend of mine said this to me "Why you always act like an asshole on the internet, when you are actually a nice girl in person?"...hahaha..FB really brings out the bitch in me...but, seriously if someone doesn't bother to know the real you, doesn't even make an effort to hang out with you...why bother trying to be liked. I'm not in a beauty pageant competition or some reality TV show for the most loved person on Earth..I really don't care about not being liked. I would rather people hang out with me despites my assholery and oddity rather than put on a mask, and fit in with people who doesn't even care and look at me like I suffer from a severe mental illness.

Well, Fb mirrors me as some kind of bimbo, asshole, sharp tongue, selfish, always thinks she knows everything, smart ass type of girl...which to some is considered as a very high level of annoying...I guess, FB really amplifies this ugly side of me...so I decided to slow down on my personal stuff in order not to muddy my already scratched reputation...make it so family friendly so that when my mom decided to take a peek, she won't find any sign of obscenity..so as years go by, I becoming aware of certain things I was stupid to understand when I was young and foolish...

Well, I seen and heard some ugly responses from people or strangers judging others especially on FB, that I did not even want to open my mouth to repeat it...coz, I realize..people do talk behind my back too...a lot...so, I don't want to care shit about what other people say about others...it's the least of my priority..and when my friends talked behind my back, I have to admit that I'm full of flaws...so they have a right to voice it out, discuss about me and my flaws...coz I do that from time to time with others too...So i tell to myself, no more pics I don't want my future children to discover, and use it against me when I want to teach them about prudence or self respect. No more pics, if  one day I happen to be the people of power, that people can use to blackmail me, no more pics, that will make people focus more on my lack of moral virtue rather than my ability to get a job done..no more pics, that will make people comment about my fat ugly body...so that's it..

People says, true friends will have each other's back, tell others when they do wrong and bla bla bla...well I guess not, friends who knows you so much are your worst enemy, you hate them the most, especially when they come out with some sort of unwanted advice, or showing the face "I told you so" when you get screwed up...you would rather hang out with friends who encourage your foolish behaviour because that friend understands you the most..we are designed to be selfish..we make our own moral compass and we break it..and we don't want people to judge because we know ourselves better than anybody..and when we do something stupid, we believe we can handle it, we have everything under control and we are definitely not as stupid as any other stupid people who do the same stupid shit...No shit that we are that narcissistic that some people do get annoyed and they secretly wish our bubble burst or the cloud become the rain soon enough...

One friend told me that "I don't want to hang out with C because C is arrogant and always want to win" and deep inside, I say, hey I'm arrogant too...and tactless...one day you might not hang out with me too, if I push your button often enough..

Another friend scolded me "Why you still hang out with them? They gossip a lot...and their mouth travels everywhere..." and deep inside I say, well yeah...I'm not so innocent either..and they do have some positive characters...

So, hang out with friends is not easy...people change...priorities change..one might like a quiet birthday celebration in a restaurant this year, and decided to hang out with the cool crowd and go alcohol binge the next year...so just don't put so much expectation and get hurt when people don't want to hang out with you..just find new friends...people whom you are comfortable with at the moment and stick with them..and when the connection is not so strong anymore...learn where the exit door is..and don't be so quick to pry in your friend personal matters especially when they being respectful enough not to bother with yours...speak only when you are spoken to...

BTW...after all the experience and experiments with some legal, partially legal and illegal stuffs...I realize...I'm really a tight assed person whose definition of fun consist of a very nerdy stuff inexplicable to the mind of the mainstream...I guess in the end, a rebel without a cause have to admit that she is a total lame ass nerd...but i'm okay with it....