My Drama as hari raya nearing....

Only today I realize when talking to my mom about how few our relatives are..if we visit them all...it only takes one day to make a round..somehow I miss my grandma...she died during the fasting month back in 2009 because of cancer..I remember crying every time I feel so tired taking care of her..taking turn with my mom and my aunt..I got the night, my aunt got the day and my mom got the weekend. for months, I drove to the hospital at the evening and came back early in the morning...My car all covered with the bird poo and it caused me to cry again..every time I came late, and it's time for her to change the diaper..she would start scolding me, and I cried again..in time like that, it reminds me of my friend who has to go through the same situation for a long period of time..and she get through it just fine..deep inside I wish I could be as strong as her..still admire her for that..for the hardship she had to go through..things always work out for her in the end...Looking back, I'm glad i took care of my grandma during her time of sickness...sometimes I think for everything I received today, I owe it to her bless..Well, me and mom always fight...and I always have doubt if something were to happen, would I be able to care for her...like she cared for me when I was hospitalized for whatever reasons..It kinda give her a headache though..huhu..Well, I just want to be healthy again..so that she wouldn't have to worry so much that she has to spend another hour in the hospital taking care of me or facing the possibility that I would die before her...LOL...I'm so drama queen...
Well, sigh.....it's kinda hurt to say this without butthurting people's feeling...but I don't really feel the same enthusiasm when it comes to Raya...I don't even know if I have a baju raya for this year...(lol...usually my mom would prepare me one)...but I do not see anything hanging on my clothes shelf yet...lol...and I don't want to ask coz when you are 28, it's sounds so ridiculous to ask for a baju raya from my mom...but whatever, I have enough stock of baju kurung...and it's just one day celebration in which i would spent most of the time watching tv..and eat the stuffed rice and chicken curry in front the TV...kinda wish i could eat groundnut sauce though...or some lemang with beef rendang...yeah I better buy them later...it's kind of funny to think, that one of my foreigner friends ask me if I could bring him some raya dishes...and I was like, hahaha...well, I could try to buy them later and he asked...your mom doesn't make those things meh? it makes me laugh...Well, in my mom's defense...she's a good cook...but what's the point of cooking too much..when nobody will eat them...I guess, we are the family who prefer to eat out together rather than to dine home together...we dine home eating normal every day food...for something fancy and intricate..no need to go to such hassle...just TAPAU...
Well, if I happen to live alone again, i would have to start cooking my own food then...I love making desert, fruit salad, fruit juice...anything sweet anything fruity...damn...I want to buy a juicer, a microwave, an oven, a rice cooker, a Tefal pan, a Wok, a pot....a toaster....whatever...I still don't like cooking though..but I want to try....
Dang I'm impressed at my ability to digress from the real topic...