Frustnye...

Sepatutnya dari tarikh aku serah tugas 3 September hari tu, aku dah xpayah pikul apa2 tanggungjawab aku di sekolah..but every week aku mesti kena g sekolah....sebelum ni, aku banyak stay kat pejabat...standard la kan....tp td, aku tergerak nak g meja aku, nak ambil takwim...sebab nak refer tarikh untuk wat file baru...sambil ambil file minit mesyuarat yg memang aku kumpul utk cari minit sebelum2 ni....punye la aku terkejut badak..hoho..aku memang la serabut sikit...tp kat meja aku, aku beli rak kayu ade 4 compartment...bawah meja ada dua kotak besar...comel lak kotak tu....corak teddy bear ag...sebelum aku blah...meja aku kosong, kemas....segala barang aku, aku letak dalam kotak...supaya aku senang nak ambik kalau aku ditakdirkan kena posting tempat lain...Meja aku macam tempat pembuangan sampah beb...sampai aku nk amik kotak bawah meja pun sampai kena menonggeng2 keluarkan, nak amik takwim punya pasal....sakit ati kejap...kot ye pun, meja aku xde sape2 ag...jgn la campak semua barang kat situ....
last week mase anta edited draft untuk minit mesyuarat....aku xsedap ati dah...bila aku nak wat borang maklum balas...(borang maklum balas kan kena buat seminggu sebelum meeting), aku bukak kabinet cari fail inisiatif 3K...xde. Aku tanye kat GPK HEM aku, die tanye aku balik..aku rilek ag...aku call pengerusi...pengerusi kate..."rilek je mi, ade la tu orang pinjam kot..." hmm...aku xterkejut pun, coz sebelum ni fail kebajikan pun hilang....n bawah 3K, ada 3 unit berasingan...so maybe salah seorang dari setiausaha unit amik file, buat reference...aku pun kebetulan nk kejar g klas, malas la nak amik port sgt...aku bg edited version yg aku dah sign kt GPK HEM, aku siap masukkan soft copy ag dlm PC die supaya dia boleh edit sendri klu xpuas ati....n email dia as a back up....a week goes by, semalam sebelum exam dia call aku suro dtg sekolah...suro edit draft...aku cakap kat die..aritu aku edit betul2 macam yg die nak...walaupun aku xdela surprise sangat...coz sebelum2 ni pun draft aku 2, 3 kali juga kena edit dan edit...aku bagi awal mane pun...seminggu sebelum meeting juga selalu dapat balik...aku cakap...xsempat...coz exam abis pukul 4.45, dengan jammed ag...sekolah tutup pukul 6.20. mane siap nye nak sign ag, nk modified ag....dalam hati bernanah juga....aku bagi dia minggu lepas beb....esok nak meeting baru ari ni die suro aku betulkan....pastu dia cakap fail hilang....hmmm...ini xbest.
Sampai pg td, aku igt aku kena edit minit mesyuarat je...alahai...typo je rupenye...bende yg GPK HEM aku boleh wat sendri...xyah aku dtg sekolah pun..pastu, slow2 dia cakap..."Amy, awak kena buat fail baru la..." aku terus cakap "takkan saya nak buat dari mula, fail tu ada maklumat dari tahun 2010...saya baru pegang 2012....GPK HEM xtanya dengan pengerusi?" well, pengerusi aku dgn GPK HEM memang xngam...coz pengerusi aku Guru Cemerlang and sudah DG44...aku respect gila dengan dia...and dia sangat efficient...spent 20 years kat sekolah ni...I don't know how dia stay lagi kat sini since she deserves to be some place else yg recognized pencapaian dia...dia ni yg dengan beraninye report dekat NUTP, how we are being badly treated by our admin....tu kadang2 aku rasa sistem government unfair gak...she's a senior teacher at the school, tp admin xrespect dia pun...n walaupun dia guru cemerlang..admin layan dia macam hampeh...so aku memang dah agak...pengerusi aku malas nak layan hal ni...lagipun ini setakat masalah dalaman HEM je, and not the first time happen...aku pun kate la "tp file tu hilang masa saya dah serah tugas saya.." yela bukan nak berkira, or nak mengelak...fail tu masih ada time aku serah tugas...sebelum blah, aku kena serahkan segala barang2 sekolah aku kat admin...siap ade senarai checklist....fail surat-menyurat, fail minit, buku rph, CD lagu, buku register, buku teks,semua aku dah bg...sampai fail guru aku pun aku bg utk cikgu yg ganti aku boleh buat reference...so isu file tu hilang time bwh jagaan aku, memang xtimbul...ape tah ag, aku seorang yg paranoid pasal filing, coz PT sekolah lama aku pernah misplace file induk mase JPNJ datang dulu, nasib baik aku de pendua time tu....so aku memang cakap awal2 time meeting, fail kt pejabat jgn sesekali bawak keluar...kebetulan time tu fail kebajikan hilang dari kabinet...ha...tu bukan masalah aku juga...tp sengal gak la..sebab aku in charge SISOKU,bila nak daftarkan budak online, maklumat budak xde...so aku kena buat kerja lain lak...telefon JKM untuk dapatkan maklumat budak...hmmm...fail ilang...nampak kecikkan masalah dia? but bende kecik ni lah yg menyusahkan...aku neh seorang yg pemalas sangat....sebab tu la aku jage bab fail...coz aku malas nak buat kerja 2 3 kali....bila fail ilang, bukan senang nak buat baru....1st sekali kena buat fail timbul...pastu kena bukak fail baru, isi kod, letak misi, visi, carta organisasi, carta gantt, pelan strategik, bende2 ni kalau nye dah start dari tahun 2010...maksudnya aku yg kena taip baru...mane dah orang simpan soft copy...kena susun ikut tarikh dalam kertas minit n buat indexing...kalau wat file minit mesyuarat...aku kena wat surat panggilan, draft minit, minit, rekod edaran, rekod kedatangan, borang maklum balas....kalau setakat nak letak minit je, senang la...print je...tp rekod edaran dgn rekod kedatangan kena yg ori...kena sign idup...tepuk dahi aku...
PT sek aku dok hasut2, yg ko nak serabut kenape mi, ko ni wat keje free...xde gaji, patutnya bukan masalah ko pun, pemangku pun dah ada, ni pemangku punya tugas dah sekarang...huhu...senang cakap kan? ikut ati memang nak buat gitu, tp selagi xsettle borang prestasi aku...selagi tu la aku xbley bernafas...
Penting ke pencapaian prestasi? yep penting...salah satu kelayakan ko untuk naik pangkat or sambung belajar ko mesti lulus cemerlang 3 tahun berturut2...dekat sekolah lama...2 tahun berturut markah aku 87 and 92, Walaupun xde la tinggi mane but cukuplah utk buat kementerian bg break kt aku sambung study .so tahun ni aku kena score lebih dari 85....klu bawah, maksudnye....I'm not good enough..mungkin xkacau study aku...but later bila aku serve kerajaan balik..rekod xcantik...aku bukannya gila sangat nak naik pangkat, tapi aku xnk rekod aku cacat.....I am a nobody, i do my job, but if the admin feels I'm not good enough, of course I feel so stressful, sejak pindah sini, selain LDP, satu kursus pun aku xpernah pergi, n GB bg aku markah 80 je utk PnP...80 untuk PnP, sangat rendah ok...de orang boleh dapat 100. Confident level aku macam dah xde..n aku tau aku bukannye deal dgn orang yg ada conscience...kalau ketua ko boleh sambung meeting walaupun orang bawahan dia kena rasuk...what do you think??? aku masuk hospital 2 kali, usahkan menjenguk ke, call ke, sms pun xde....so, should I trust her? waktu aku nk g interview...dia xbg aku amik CRK...dia kate itu bukan masalah saya...itu masalah awak...masa aku nak mintak dia sign permohonan cuti belajar aku pun,aku kena cakap dengan dia, pegawai di bahagian latihan kata semua dah ok...tinggal GB sign je, dia boleh kata..."Ok, tp saya ada hak panggil awak bila2 masa saya nak" she practically blackmail me....every chances she got....i don't trust her enough....so I would do anything not to give her chance to bring me down...
I am outsider, baru pindah sini xsampai 8 bulan, aku xde geng nak back up aku, aku xboleh nak melawan terang-terangan macam cikgu-cikgu lain...aku bukan jenis duk bilik guru, pastu gosip2....aku wat hal sendri, depress sendri2, stress sendri2...klu ngumpat pun...ngumpat kt FB, kt blog, dgn kt kawan2 aku...tang mane aku nk share masalah aku dgn cikgu kat sekolah...aku tau ramai cikgu ngelak2 wat kerje ngarut2...last2 kene campak kat aku...memang aku xikhlas pun wat kerja...memang cikgu2 de masuk jarum suro aku wat bodo, tp aku ni kan selfish....aku nak save ass aku gak...
Budak2 je reason aku g sekolah, member aku cakap, aku memang bermasalah dengan adult. I can't stand them. They make me sick. With children, I can joke around and make fun of them...but when it comes to facing another adult, especially strangers....i distance myself..aku buat muka, aku judgemental, n aku jd snob gile, mungkin.betul gak...pas grad, another stranger yg betul2 jd geng aku cume sorang je, cikgu laki kt sekolah lame aku...tu pun sebab certain characteristic yg wat aku ngam dgn die...three years n I only make one friend I could actually hang out with....pathetic kan....I'm not perfect, i'm just doing what i can to survive...as long as nobody gets hurt...but it's frustrating when I try really hard...but people only focus on my weaknesses..or people use me for their own convenience....you screw up....pass it to Amy....Amy screw up....let her fix it herself....

makes me wonder...

huhu...tetibe de fb friend share link nih...   http://aididmuaddib.blogspot.com/search/label/Avail%20Beauty.
dulu aku xamik port sgt....coz aku xpaham mende...tp ceh ceh ceh...pas dah khatam research method neh...and bace balik...terdetik pulak...coz researcher yg de double PHD in medicine pun...bile time perbentangan,ade yg free2 kene reject...how come  the head of research yg cume ade degree in med...bley wat research yg begitu thorough sekali, sape research team die, sape fund research die, kt mane die wat....amik masa berapa lame...aku try gak cari online pasal research yg researcher ni buat, experiment die...tp xde lak yg publish research die..so aku dah start wonder gak.....hohoho not to condemn anyone...but this guy don't talk shit man..even kakak aku sendri pun kene bayar mahal utk product testing supaya bley lulus KKM and JAKIM...n wat processing kt Switzerland coz Malaysia xde technology tu lg..n kakak aku sendri kene g kursus untuk dapatkan cert dari kementerian baru bley dapat licensing...n hari2 tgk index emas utk beli raw material....dengan melihat die bersusah payah supaya tidak disaman kemudian hari....that's why I wonder....why some people, xrasa takut utk utk jual product tanpa buat research sendri...I mean klu ko just dengar dari upline ko je, mesti la die cakap yg elok2....risk assessment kene gak buat kan...xde product yg sempurna...even product kakak aku sendri pun xperfect...sebab tu kene wat ongoing reseach, kene dapat feedback dari customer, kene tau masalah customer tu...mcm ari tu, dah seronok2 aku makan Acai Berry...pastu timbul issue produk tu beracun lak....chissss....terbang duit aku....
Tak semua produk yg xelok, tp kite kene fikir sendri la....kaji dulu betul2...coz lain orang, lain side effect die.... cuma kita sebagai pengguna kena prihatin tentang apa yg kita masuk dlm mulut kita, org nk jual barang mesti cakap yg elok2....but then aku amik kata2 kak Eton la kan yg dok hari2 pung pang kt Wanita Hari Ini... "saya jual produk ini untuk beramal..." puih.....satu kotak pun dah rm200 lebih...celah mana amal dia pun aku xtau... hehehe...luahan hati bekas pengguna...ape2 pun suka hati korang la....korang makan ape pun, pakai ape pun...klu dok melantak yg bukan2....same juge..macam doc aku selalu cakap..."Amy, kurangkan makanan berhormon...jgn makan fast food....." dekat 6 bulan aku diet fast food...xturun juga...doc cakap ag "stop ambil ubat bersteroid..." pas operation aku xamik dah smpi skang....macam tu juge...mungkin mak aku betul....sebab aku asik membuta je....mungkin itu punca utama nya.....

busybody n judgmental me....

I watched Resident Evil today.....the movie is cool...as usual...everything you can expect from the franchise..Milla is hot..never miss any of the series actually...but I'm not gonna talk about that...

It's about a bunch of youngsters that sat behind me while I was enjoying my Yakult Cupbone...I can't help but to overhear them coz they talked quite loud...first about they skipping class...apparently they study at the college named Cybernetic....nearby 1shamelin..one of the kids brag about kicking the chair because the lecturer scold him about sleeping in the class...seriously boy? why don't you just sleep at home then? Urgh...not to undermine anyone...but considering he is studying in Cybernetic...I can't help but feel pity towards the lecturer...Everybody knows that the private college lecturers are underpaid and under appreciated...it might sound glamorous, prestigious....but you can't earn respect....because you have to teach kids with slightly less IQ level than the average university students and the only reason that enable the kids to enter the institute is because the parents would do anything to ensure that their children will be able to pursue their tertiary education....including spending the hard earned money to fund their kid's education...mind you I'm not talking about the established n recognized private colleges like Monash, Help or LKW here...I'm just generalising based on my observation..

coming back to the point...this kid dare to kick the chair because he said he deserves respect from the lecture because he pays big money to learn the course. It sounds fucked up right. But this is what happen everyday recently, people of this era are so caught on self-entitlement, they think they deserve better simply because they pay for it...

and then the boys talk about some girls that wear too sexy in the class, some girls wear mini skirt and short pants to the class. They said it's quite distracting n flashy and ugly. I agree on them for that point. Girls, please be respectful n have dignity....it's really up to you what you want to wear...but why wear miniskirt to class...you want to give a free show or you want to learn? but the irony....those boys themselves wear sleeveless....yeah right...your sweaty underarm are so attractive that you want to show to everybody....

Then they talk about Ramen, they said that the restaurant that serve Ramen in the mall is not halal....my jaw literally drop...coz the one who actually brought up the issue has a tattoo on his arm...a permanent to be exact...dafuq man....you can tattoo your skin, but you are paranoid about Halal food, just like people who tonggang arak berbotol2....tp ckp ewwww kat daging babi....

just by sitting next to them, i kinda figure how what their lecturers have to go through everyday....i'm so grateful that i get to deal with young kids....If I were forced to teach these youngsters everyday...i will be suicidal...

Life as a student...

It's tiring....................... i love what i learn...but my stamina isn't what it used to be....when i was undergraduate students..it took a whole semester to finish one subject.and usually for each semester, we have 4 subjects..but being a full time post graduate students...it takes a fortnight to finish 1 subject.and for this semester only, i have to take 5 subjects...I usually sleep late...but now I sleep later than ever...i used to pick my attire...now i just wear what I see...now I get my brother, when he said...the course of my choice is a killer..not because it is difficult...but the time constrain can make people despair...it's only one week...but the rest of us start to feel "vomitty"(hahaha...i create that word) whenever the lecturer start to bombard us with whatever she teaches...i love her, in any normal lecture environment...she is fun....but the idea of hearing the same lecture from morning to evening everyday....(i can't think of anything to say...) Some of my male course mate, have stub of beard under their chin since they don't want to waste time on shaving.some sleep in the car during the break...hopefully this is not whining...coz I enjoy every minute of it...I'm just tired...i guess....perhaps....we are tired...i should start to live healthily, eat healthily and do lot more exercises...the stamina does affect the function of the brain....

just my two cents...

Seorang sepupu yg Islamik berkata..sistem pentadbiran Malaysia dah lapuk...dah xboleh diguna pakai...dah sampai masa bumiputra compete dgn masyarakat lain...dah sampai masa Malaysia jalankan hukum hudud...dah sampai masa Malaysia jalankan pemerintahan Islam sebenar seperti di Egypt...aku cakap kat die "so dengan kerusi yg Pas ada...dan kerusi PKR yg dibahagi 3...cukup x undi dalam parlimen untuk jalankan hukum hudud? possibility Malaysia akan kekal jadi negara Islam pun belum tentu lagi...kalau time tu ko nak jihad...nak reenact May 13 pun tak guna dah... sometimes reality sucks...klu berjaya tumbangkan UMNO pun, what's next? mana lebih penting? survival ekonomi atau survival agama ko..tok guru xkan ada selama2nya nk mentadbir negara...and sorry to say walaupun dalam pas ramai cerdik pandai Islam..tp cerdik pandai ekonomi xramai...tp tu xde masalah sebab kita boleh hire financial expert dari luar kan...n morality pemimpin Islam dalam PKR pun same hampeh dgn kerajaan sedia ada....setahu aku ada undang2 di Malaysia yg menjenayahkan sex berbayar..dah terang2 video rakam Anwar dgn Azmin ber dot dot dengan pelacur..but it's okay...janji jatuhkan UMNO dulu...yg lain cerita kemudian..
Kalau oppositon menang pun,corruption still exist, pervert still roaming the land, unless Hukum Hudud dilaksanakan secara menyeluruh...contohnya: katakan kalau orang islam makan rasuah..kena sebat 10 kali...tapi orang bukan Islam pulak kena denda dan penjara" apelah sangat denda dan penjara berbanding kena sebat...n of course diorg bley bayar punye...they have the money to bribe people, so bayar denda is like a peanut for them...they knew they can buy their way out of the system..crony2 government sekarang...berapa ramai yg Islam....berapa sangat duit yg orang Melayu boleh bg kat pemimpin untuk tutup mulut dan mata diorg berbanding dengan duit bangsa lain yg memonopoli ekonomi Malaysia..balik2 pun sedare mare diorg je....so kalau tukar pemimpin pun... corruption still happen coz ade loophole dalam law tu sendiri...zaman nabi pun ade komuniti Jew juga..but diorg still kena ikut hukum hudud...di Arab Saudi..di Iran..pun ada non-muslim...tp xde pulak hudud diorg buat separuh2...It's still a lose-lose situation untuk orang Islamik macam ko..sekarang ni pun the Malays in Malaysia walaupun menguasai politik tapi economy masih terkebelakang..bukan sebab manja kerana hak2 Bumiputera..tp sebab pemimpin Melayu tu sendri lebih suka utamakan bangsa yg lebih kaya dan tidak berkira menghulur..janji projek dapat...orang melayu seperti anak A Samad Said yang tidak berjaya mendapat tender..akan berkata..pemimpin tidak adil...berat sebelah kepada saudara mara sendiri dan kroni2 sahaja..orang yang tidak mampu memberi rasuah xde peluang menjadi usahawan berjaya..so kita mesti tukar pemimpin supaya kita dapat peluang tender dari pemimpin baru...so wujudlah kroni2 pemimpin baru pulak....terdiri daripada supporter-supporter tegar mereka...it's a vicious cycle untuk average people macam ko yg xde kepentingan or xde cita2 nak jd kaya....
If ko rase dengan pilih Pas ko bakal menegakkan agama Islam kat Malaysia and .kalau prioriti ko nak meningkatkan survival agama......undilah...tapi kena ingat...kalau Pas menang semua kerusi pun, Pas tetap bukan majoriti di parlimen...mungkin rakyat Islam adalah majoriti di Malaysia buat masa sekarang...seperti mana Singapore satu masa dulu lebih ramai rakyat Islam dari bukan Islam..time tu kalau ko nak demo depan masjid pun belum tentu dapat lesen...kalau nak ceramah politik di surau2 pun belum tentu lepas....Azan pun belum tentu boleh berkumandang sekuat sekarang...
Golongan PAS mungkin golongan yang extreme, yg sanggup berjihad dan menumpahkan darah untuk mempertahankan Islam...mungkin sampai masanya umat islam kena berperang untuk mempertahankan hak...tapi untuk orang macam aku...aku prefer if the fire didn't start at all...aku suka duk aman sampai aku mati...kalau Malaysia jadi negara secular pun aku masih sama macam dulu....so aku xkan affected dgn apa pun perlembagaan baru yg akan dibuat dengan kepimpinan baru nanti....coz the fact is loud and clear...vision barisan bakal kepimpinan yg baru nanti akan lebih fokus kepada survival ekonomi dari survival agama yg lebih berpihak pada kaum Melayu aje...
But, if bakal barisan pemimpin baru dah pakat awal-awal, nk bg pentadbiran ikut negeri2....maybe boleh work out....if rasa nak duduk kat kat negeri yg jalankan undang2 secular, boleh pindah negeri2 ni...or kalau nak duduk kat negeri yg jalankan hukum Hudud, bley pindah g negeri2 ni.....maybe it can be worked out...or else...bubarkan Malaysia...bahagi dua...Muslim duduk satu negara, non-muslim duduk satu negara....tgk side mana yg lebih prosper nanti...

i knew this would happen...

To start with, me pursuing master degree...is not something big....everybody does that nowadays...if you have the money, the time and the means to do that....it's not a big deal at all.....
Some of my cousins, my friends and even my younger brother are on the same path...and there are numbers of them that progressing to complete their PHD... compare to them, I just started...and it's a long way to go.
But even among my relatives, I heard something unpleasant about my decision to start being a student again. Mostly, it's about me taking the unpaid study leave. Since my mom isn't working anymore. The money is quite tight, not that I'm helping enough in that department before. Still, RM500 monthly can cover a lot of things around the house. I knew my decision more or less will affect the way things are going in the house, since I am now a freeloader for a year. I talked to my mom recently, she said she's fine with my decision. But, i don't think it's the same for my other siblings. Therefore, I guess i should start prioritising of how I'm going to spend my monthly allowance from the scholarship that I received. Rm1300 per month is not much to sustain all my expenses, but it's still better than nothing. Minus all the car loan, ASB loan and my insurance coverage...the balance that I have in my hands is RM700...been thinking of giving my mom RM200 to pay for the bills..(although my younger brother paid for the bills)..I feel it is conscientious for me to unload his burden a little bit, since he is also pursuing his Master degree with his own pocket money, lucky for him..it doesn't cost him much...since he's taking the part time degree and still working unlike me who chose to be the full timer.
Some ask, why don't I be like my brother. Pursuing master part time, and still working. They say, I act kind of selfish about this matter.
First of all, the course of my choice, doesn't have the part time mode..it is a full course work with compression of three semesters within 1 year. The class starts at 9.00 and finishes at 4.30 every day except for the weekend. From that 9.00 to 4.30, we are going to learn about the same subject, all day, every day for the minimum  of 10 days. And why is that? because my course are taught by visiting professors invited by the institute from variety of countries and universities and they don't stay here long. After, they are done with the topic. They will pack their bag and leave for their country.
And aside from the class, we do have to attend to the forum, the dialogue and seminars held in the institute. So basically, we don't have much time to do anything else besides study and working on project paper, written report and test. Furthermore, I will be taking my internship for two months somewhere oversea... (I have no idea yet where to go...) So, basically, working is not an option at all.
I am so glad I get chosen to study this course, since I'm not the brightest and for sure not the creamiest of the crop. And given that the fact, this course alone cost close to RM10000 per semester, there's no way I could afford it has it not for the financial aid given to me by the institute. The plus side is, I don't have to pay it back and I'm not bound to serve them when I graduated. The only catch is, I have to graduate within 1 year. This expectation is due to the fact that, the student can only graduate if they are able to achieve minimum of B in all the subject they learnt and the project paper...any C candidate is considered failure. If you don't do well, you have to pay the institute back. So, the pressure is quite tough. I just hope I can make it, since it is my passion at the first place, and it's my choice...I have no other option than to work hard.
Some says, I'm lucky to be a government servant because it is easy for me to pursue my master and given the scholarship. Some says, it's easy because I am a Malay. I say, that is rubbish. MOE doesn't offer the scholarship to a mere three years in service teacher. There is one course mate of mine who serve the government for 10 years, before she's given the JPA scholarship to further her study. I bet, she's the eldest among us girls. I use girls because, none of the female students in my course is married. I bet the boys are all still single except for the middle age Briton student that I mistook as one of the associate prof during my 1st day.  I bet, it is intentionally done by the institute in order to ensure full commitment received from the students. So, if you are the government servant, you will understand, that seniority is a core business. You might be great or excellent. But you have to wait patiently for your time to come. If you don't have the patience, and you can afford to study without the financial aid. There's always a self fund method and the part time courses made available for you. But if you are looking for some thing more. The key word is initiative on your part.
And, I'm not so sure I get the financial aid because I am born Malay. Although the so called Quota is often use as a reference to clarify why the so called underperformed Malays able to get scholarship, I work my ass for it, not forgetting some sprinkle of luck and God will. Most of the student in my course received either the financial aid from the institute or JPA recipient.  And they are from all over the place..I can assure you the Malays are not the majority here. There are Malaysian from different races who received the same financial aid as mine...and not only that...the foreign students also receive the same financial aids. They are from German, London, Taiwan, China, Thailand and Indonesia. So, please have some respect in that matter. I don't say that I deserve the scholarship, because I know the fact that there are other people whom are better than me. But like everyone else, I do work hard and now I have the opportunity. This opportunity doesn't come to me, instead I take an effort to look for it myself.
I am ordinary person who has no influential person or connection to back her up. but I do have, a supportive mother and siblings to back me up and some friends that keep supporting me through thick and thin. All i have, is a heart to make myself a better person. I am in preparation to go to another step in my life. I have accepted the fact, that my personal life suck and I am a failure in relationship. So, in order to make me feel better about myself, I'm going to start doing what I do best. Which is to use my head to think and absorbing as much info as I could, to become as much level headed as possible and to be able to make people say "She's got a point there".
By the way, I'm looking for a part time job. If any of you, need help with translating, proof reading, writing job....I would be glad to work...I would do a home tutoring too if you guys need help in mastering English language or some enrichment for that matter...after all...I am an English teacher...though I might not be the excellent one...but I'm good. Don't worry about the money, I work cheap.

day 1 of going back to be the student...

I was so motivated when I woke up this morning...full of expectation...and thrill...after 3 years of paying my due to serve the government...i finally getting a break to pursue what I'm always passionate about..but nothing prepares me for this....after 27 years of being born and bred as KLites...I never thought that one day...hearing the words traffic jam can be so dreadful to me...
Being in a kampung area for 2 years....and working at the afternoon session.....make me forget how bad the jam is...i still living in the time where I have to pay Metramac 50 cent..and the road is quite congested but at the tolerable level.....now it's free...and i feel like driving myself into a trap.. claustrophobic and restless...driving a car at the bicycle speed....from Ampang to Petaling Jaya....I'm having a shock of my life.....going out early at 7.30 at arrive to UM at 9.00....that's insane...it's suppose to be less than an hour trip even with the bad traffic...now the traffic is horrendous...going back is worse...starting my journey at 5.30 and arrive home at 8.00 o'clock...and people say, the price of the car needed to be lowered..and the toll fare should be abolished...f**k that...call me selfish, ignorant, self centered bimbo girl....but i would rather pay the toll...and higher car price....if that could make the road less congested than it already is....
Considering the budget cut...and I can't afford to use AKLEH everyday..I'm considering the other option....LRT sounds just nice.....maybe it's time i do my part as a citizen...to keep the road less congested....and it's good for my health too....lately i haven't done much walking.....it's time for an attitude change...and get out from my lazy ass comfort zone.....not gonna waste my time frowning in the car while looking at the clock and sigh....how much time have I wasted....just because i don't want to walk more mile...back when I was studying a degree in UM...i had an easy life cruising with my car from places to places....now maybe it's time I get the taste of being just a regular no car students....i need to do a lot of adjusting.... whether with my attitude and the way I look at things...maybe by doing something like this will help humbling me down a little bit....