friendship bg aku la....mungkin tidak bgmu.....

will smith ade berkata "if you are not there during my downfall..just don't be there during my success..."...berkawan ni bukan give and take...is not as simple as "nanti aku g kenduri kawin rumah ko, ko mesti g kenduri kawin rumah aku..."it's complicated la...aku xpernah pun tolak kawan aku....datang je, aku terima....xde....aku wat dek je....mebi somewhere along d line ramai yg dah makan hati....dalam fb kemain bising....kat luar...batang idung pun susah nampak....aku xtau la kan aku memang ade bipolar disorder....tp nampaknye simptom tu mmg ade  dah....kadang2 aku nk jumpe gak kawan2 lame...tp takut nnt bile jumpe....xde bende nk cakap...common interest dah kurang la...so jgnlah di ajak aku keluar beramai2...aku igt aku boleh...rupe2nye xbley....my words and my level of sarcasm sudah beyond limit untuk orang yg dah lama xhang out dgn aku....i just don't know how to act normal without being judged as woman with conscience as thin as a tissue paper....people change...mind change...priority change....ramai member dah ade family...aku paham...I'm not complaining pun....sorry la kdg2 aku xupdate....or xbgtau mende2 penting....bapak aku pun kadang2 aku lupe nk bgtau....apatah ag member...korang pun dh ade life sendri...nak hang out....call je...klu aku free...bley la kuar....kdg2 aku malas....aku ag suka mengadap komputer dari mengadap dunia luar....kadang2 aku complaining a lot on FB coz aku malas call membebel kat member2 aku.....murah sket kalau memekak di FB....aku kan cheapskate....most of the time...aku igt fb ni de kwn2 aku je.....banyak dah aku delete org kt fb aku....aku sebenarnye de application unfriend finder...aku aku bley tau sape activate, sape deactivate, sape delete, sape xdelete.....Alhamdulillah...xde sape dlm senarai friend list aku yg delete aku......klu de pun unsubscribe je.....aku pun ramai unsubscribe org kt fb nih.....so wa xde hal.....i know FB is not something private...but since i limited my profile to only friend....so I guess whatever happened in FB...will be in your wise judgement to get it out or otherwise.....yep aku ade block beberape individu....sebab aku rasa hidup aku dan mereka lebih aman jika begitu....I know I'm not perfect...but i just hate hypocrisy look me in the eye when it promises nothing but loveless or maybe grudge perhaps...so daripada aku mengadap tgk muka yg sweet and innocent gile dpn aku tp dalam aku xtau de ape.....dari aku terus berburuk sangka...baik aku block
 (to you...i don't know if you read my blog...i don't block you here because you are free to comment as much as you like in my blog....but in FB....i don't want to see even the shadow of yours...when you are young...you do something stupid....and you promise not to do it again....and being totally crazy at the moment I couldn't think straight....coz unlike your well loved ass....I wasn't watered properly to bloom into such a beautiful rose as you are...so I chose to be a carnation...the retarded version of the rose without the sweet smell that people see mostly at the grave or on the condensed milk can..The only asset is my IQ...but it stop expanding when I'm 17....and I'm left with nothing.....you see...I was born to naturally hate people and beginning to like some of them...and along the way disliking them again...i live an imaginary life coz it made me forget who I am...You don't go home seeing what I've seen....but with that sweet look on your face....you pull out the drama....and people actually believe it...there is never not a moment I wish I could be as sweet as you...but I can't....coz I'm not sweet at all....I don't know how to make people feel better around me...so i lied..and people liked it that i lie..and now when we grew up...I hate you for pretending that everything is okay and try to invade my life....wonder how I didn't smile at you when we saw each other at the restaurant recently....coz I'm done trying....I can't fake our friendship like you did.....and I don't know whose obsession it actually is....I want it to be over....just don't try.....the fakeness makes me want to vomit....and reminds me how we really hate each other although people thought we were actually best friends.....we didn't....and we won't...full stop)
I judge people as bad as people judge me...sometimes I judge my friend.... a lot....more than I judge others.....I always compare and contrast between two person and another more....finding reasons...trying to justify why and how....and WUT??????and if i don't feel like it....i get away from it.....I don't like to be with the person that I judge....i can be nice...but don't give me that hug you give your best friend to...I don't need it...so let go....it's not worth it....and sometimes my friend...yeah...I know you feel like killing me, making a voodoo doll out of me....or just cut my tongue dry....I never have the intention to let you fall....I am a selfish person...a person who just don't say hi to you in public if I don't know you enough....but I won't let you fall...if you want to stand back up...i will lend you a hand....but if you choose to be there...fine...just stay there...and if you are happened to be on top again and being surrounded by your true friend....it's OK...at least once....I was there....and not somewhere else....friendship is to know your friend and to know what best for them and wishing them for the best.....friendship is a chained reaction...you don't have to attach to one person forever...you expand and outgrow the friendship...but the memories are still there...they don't disappear...
I appreciate all my friends...some of them are very good to me, some are mean, some are just hilarious, some are freaking annoying....but only some that you choose to hang with....then again friendship is not give and take.or a bond that bind you forever....it's more like...an opportunity to be in somebody's life....even for a little while....and not regretting it....so klu ade sape2 yg regret berkawan dgn aku.....just leave.....the door is open...and if you stay...i totally appreciate it.....