Hey you....

Hey you....I dreamt about you again...or perhaps i just want to see you so much that i dream of you...this time..you were reading a comic...and i just watched you while lying on the bed....we were just kids...looks like we were about 15 or 16.....
Well...these past three years...things had not go so well for me...you know...felt like i lost control of myself....i know i promise you that i will build a new life...that i will throw away about the past....to tell you the truth...I feel tired again....and I don't know where to start....it seems like a trend now that when i'm clueless and doesn't know what to do...i will keep thinking of you...awww.....I know I'm being delusional again...I know what i'm suppose to do....but at this moment, once again i have an issue with doubt...or probably I'm just being lazy...i started to avoid things that I don't like to deal with....
Well....just in case things doesn't work...and i choose to let go....would you wait for me?? haha...now I'm just pushing my luck with you....but just saying....if it's my turn to get to the other side...will i be able to join you?? you know...recently I've been thinking and absorbing so many ideas...which I'm clueless as to whether to believe or not to believe.....and i wonder...at the other side...will feeling still exist??? you know...such things as love or hatred or frustration or contentment....will we be able to communicate...talk...or we have some kind of telepathy communication....but just in case..i mean i really hope..if it's my turn....please be there for me...
but....just so you know, i'm not trying to quit at this moment...maybe i should give myself another three years to turn things around....You do think i deserve that three years, right?? I always think that you deserve more time...but God knows better and I'm not in a good position to argue with god....but I'm beginning to think that I don't do justice with my life....i should change i guess..be a better person..I'm so full of bad things...hatred, jealousy, pride....but I don't know how to change.....i'm so used to be a negative person...and give other people the uncomfortable condescending vibe...and I still hate older man a great deal...the paranoia won't go away....i'm so worried since I'm not getting any younger.....
Well..enough about these unpleasant stuff..it's been a while since i stop by, maybe tomorrow i will....be sure to greet me....if the tree is big enough  for me to sit under....perhaps tomorrow i will stay longer....i have lots to talk about...well I know...i might just fantasize the whole things...but thanks for being there for me....even in the form of my figment of imagination....your smile does make me feel better...a lil bit....i guess i'm still human after all....